Outdated: Find Love That Lasts When Dating Has Changed

by Jonathan "JP" Pokluda

There are times I still get butterflies in my stomach when I see Monica, and days when I still feel the same excitement I did when we were first dating or first married. But there are many other times when I don’t have those same feelings. Honestly, sometimes I don’t have strong feelings for her at all. But that’s OK. That’s not a crisis in our marriage. Because even if I don’t feel in love with her, I can still actively love her in the things I say and do. I can serve her selflessly, speak to her kindly, and pursue her faithfully. Those things are choices that are always fully in my control. And that’s why I can know I will always love Monica, regardless of how I feel, until death do us part. Interestingly, when you actively love someone in this way, your feelings will follow. If I behave lovingly toward my wife, I can’t help but feel love for her as well. It’s part of how God has wired us as humans. Your brain wants your words and actions to match up with your feelings. So, for example, if you act like you’re excited about something (even when you’re not), one of two things will have to happen. Either you’ll start to feel excited, or you’ll stop acting excited. And since you can choose your actions, you can decide what your feelings will be.