“I have to get out of the loop. I have to get out of the loop.” The sentence keeps repeating in my head, ironically turning into a loop itself. An hour ago I was at home, sitting on the white Malm cabinet that contains my clothes. I had gotten dressed, so that was a start. But after that I sat on that Malm cabinet, staring into space for minutes. “Go and do something, Toeps. Go outside. That always helps.”