I Would Leave Me If I Could: A Collection of Poetry

by Halsey

I fucking hate parallel parking

I breathe and it doesn’t reach my lungs

Arctic explorers waiting for a rescue unit.

I asked him how he did it. How it didn’t rip his heart to shreds.

Does a ghost know that he’s a ghost? Does a saint know that she’s forgiven? If no one knows, then I don’t know if I might be the villain.

Stuck in the middle of “I love you” and “I can’t take this anymore.”

There are ordinary boys. And then there are boys who stick an arm down your throat and grasp your heart.

Your aorta pulses. And so does your aching pussy.

You write to calm the craving.

I am the fun girl. I am the spit hanging down from your tongue girl. I’m the choke me as hard as you can girl. I’m the give it all up for a man girl. I’m the plaid skirt and white knee-high socks girl. I’m a pistol that’s loaded and cocked girl. The don’t mind when you call me a slut girl. I’m the smack her real hard on the butt girl. I’m a swallow my feelings and lie girl. I’m a lie there and let him inside girl. ’Cause I don’t wanna make him get mad girl. I’m the better off being bad girl. ’Cause then nothing hurts when they leave, girl. Except with his grip on your sleeve, girl. You say yes to the threesomes and drinks girl. ’Cause you still really care what he thinks girl.

You’re not boring or mean like his old girl she was crazy, or that’s what you’re told, girl. So you’ll get further if you are the fun girl. But you’ll never be the only one girl. You’ll get older and wish you had known girl. ’Cause you gave way too much of your soul, girl. Now you don’t expect men to be kind girl. You just use them and leave them behind girl. It’s so hard to grow up as the fun girl. You’ll be trapped in your days as a young girl. A memory, for men you loved girl. “Oh! That fun girl!”

riding a man on a mattress, back arched like a prize horse. grinding and grinding. tossing my hair around and gripping tight the ropes of ecstasy.

tightly wound tension throbs in my core. swells like an angry ocean.

I am spiraling down a staircase of lust and comfort and withdrawal.

I will dive in your DNA. I will stay here, patiently, comatose in the wake of your everything-ness. Your all. I will make permanent residence right here in your acquaintance.

It’s only been 3 days but I’m told that Jesus did a lot over the weekend when we thought he was dead.

I spent a long time watering a plant made out of plastic,

I spent a long time substituting honest with sarcastic and I cursed my tongue for being mean.

you spent a long time, tending to a home that’s burning in flames and your patience made me love you.

Tell me, do you know the password? We’re denied by heaven’s master.

How strange to write about “having” when for so long I’ve drawn inspiration only from longing?

I’m confused ’cause he’s hurting me while he says “please.”

And he’s “only a man” and these things he “just needs.” He’s my boyfriend so why am I filled with unease?

I believe I’m protected ’cause I live on a screen. Nobody would DARE act that way around me.

not one fucking word from the man who is president.

we are not free until all of us are free.

LISTEN. And then yell at the top of your lungs. Be a voice for all those who have prisoner tongues, for the people who had to grow up way too young, there is work to be done, there are songs to be sung, Lord knows there’s a war to be won.

any distance becomes too much to bear

I wish that I were dead or at least somewhere else.

I know you needed someone who was fine with feeling small.

I scream too loud If I speak my mind.

I’m working on my lung capacity Fun capacity Uptight bitch Take a breath and relax, it isn’t so bad.

Keep drinking keep dancing Keep hopeless romancing

My mind is messy but it’s beautiful like I’m in utero I don’t say it often, but I’m proud of the woman that I turned out to be

You might think I’m crazy Wild and young and free But really I’m just: careful quiet overthinking analyzing like It’s logic over loving and emotion brought me nothing but disaster so I hold my drink and sit right in the corner smiling.