Why Not Me?: A feeling of Millions (Hinglish)

by Anubhav Agrawal

“Pyaar sab ko chahiye, lekin utna do, jitne ki zaroorat hai. Zaroorat se zyada har kisi ko raas nahi aata, aur ek waqt ke baad, uski kadr puri tarah khatm ho jati hai.”

Muft mili cheej ki qadr hoti hi kisko hai! Qadr to usi ki hoti jise paane k liye mehnat ki ho. Pyar pr bhi ye laagu hai.

“Zoya, please, main aapke aagey hath jodta hoon,

Never ever do that!

Main dua karungi ki, tum bahaut aagey jao, ek successful insaan bano.”

Classic indifference!

“Kyun kiya ye sab, kya zaroorat thi aise insaan se milvane ki jisko meri kismat mein rakhna hi nahi tha, jisko ek waqt ke baad mujhse door kar dena tha.”

Khuda ko kyu dosh dena jab galti insaan ne ki hai?

Pehli wajah, humara koi future nahi tha, iska matlab, ek na ek din alag hona hi tha. Dusri wajah, jis insaan ki niyat thi nahi ek insaan pe tike rehne ki, ya jis insaan ne apni niyat hi kharab karli, to aise insaan ka tumhari zindagi se chale jaana hi behtar hai. Aise logo ke liye aap zarurat se zyada pareshan ho kar apna waqt zaaya kar rahe hain, aur kuch nahi.

bandi chali gayi yaar.”

“Bandi thi hi nhi tumhari wo!!” This is what most replied when i shared my story on reddit forum ie. ‘She was never your girl mate’. Among other things they mentioned as: narcissistic gaslighting, dissonance reduction, self projection, compartmentalization. I endured these for years but never did i know these had names.

Dusro ke liye kabhi apni pehchaan nahi khoni chahiye. Kabhi apni self respect nahi gawani chahiye, kabhi unke pyaar ki, unke waqt ki, unke attention ki bheek nahi mangni chahiye.

Ye aksar baad mein hi samajh aati hai.

Kya hum phir se dost ban sakte hain?”

Aise log rishta nibhana nhi jaante!