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September 5 - September 6, 2020
My gaze dipped to his sword. He held it pointed down, not at the ready. There was an insult there, whether he meant it or not. Blistering, smoky rage burned through me, spurring me into action.
“Most people aren’t as insane as you,” I said in a throaty voice that wasn’t mine. “That’s not a very nice thing to say.” He scraped harder with his sharp teeth, just below where he’d bitten me before, and I gasped as my body jerked. “And the truth is, you like my brand of insanity.”
“I’ll try to escape again.” “I figured as much.” “I’m not going to stop fighting you.” “I wouldn’t want you to.” I thought that was weird.
I drew up short, cursing under my breath. “What?” Casteel followed. “There’s a dead Craven on my cloak.” I sighed heavily. “That was an especially inconvenient place for it to fall.” He nudged it off the cloak, but the damage was already done. I could see and smell the rotten blood staining the garment. “If I put that on, I will vomit,” I warned him.
He looked up, one eyebrow raised. “What took you two so long? I was actually beginning to wonder if she beat you.” “You seem real concerned sitting there,” Casteel replied, ushering me toward the fireplace.
A curse hissed through his teeth as his fingers closed around the blade. Blood trickled between his fingers, and I didn’t feel even a kernel of guilt as he stared at his hand. Well, perhaps there was a tiny bit of remorse—no larger than the size of a gnat, though. He hadn’t done anything at the exact moment in time to truly earn a knife being thrown at his face, but I was sure he would be more than deserving in a few minutes.
He was both the villain and the hero, the monster and the monster-slayer.
“So, I know all about how the past doesn’t remain where it should. How it likes to pay visits when you’re at your weakest. There is never a need to apologize, nor should you ever feel shame.”
“You were speaking in your sleep.” “What?” That jerked my traitorous eyes back to his. Casteel nodded. “You were saying something that reminded me of a…disturbing nursery rhyme, to be honest. Something about a pretty flower.” The moment those words left his mouth, the nightmare came back in a rush of startling clarity. “What a pretty poppy. Pick it and watch it bleed,” I murmured. “Not so pretty any longer.” “Yes. That.” An eyebrow rose. “And it’s as disturbing as it was the first time around.”
My mouth dried at the knowledge that he’d used compulsion, but it wasn’t that he’d done it that caused the reaction. It was the reminder of what he could do. That kind of ability was frightening—and awe-inspiring. And not using it whenever he could was also impressive. I doubted that I’d have that kind of strength of character. I frowned. Was I actually complimenting his character? The man who had lied, kidnapped me, and held me captive? I obviously needed more rest.
“Do you know what the fluffy animals are called that live in the trees near the capital?” I asked. “What?” “The ones that hang onto the limbs,” I explained. “They’re fluffy and cute, but are supposedly vicious.” “Dear gods, do I even want to know why you’re thinking of the tree bears?” “Tree bear?” My brow puckered. “That’s the name?” “Poppy,” he sighed. I rolled my eyes. “You remind me of a tree bear.” “I would tell you that I’m offended, but that requires speaking, which means neither of us would be sleeping.”
My favorite was when I’d said that I just wanted some fresh air. “Nothing personal, but there is literally no way I would trust you enough to crack this door open to allow even an inch of fresh air to enter your chamber.” How was that not personal?
“But no matter how hard you try with that knife you just swiped,” he said, and my eyes widened, “you will not be able to kill Cas with it.” My head swung in his direction. “I’m not planning to kill him with it.” “I would hope not.” He looked at me from the corner of his eye. “It would probably only further endear you to him.”
“Why do you call me Penellaphe?” “Why do you have so many questions?” My eyes narrowed. “Why can’t you answer the question?” Kieran leaned over, dipping his chin. “Nicknames are often reserved for friends. I don’t believe you consider us friends.” What he said made so much sense that I wasn’t quite sure how to respond.
“Come,” he said quietly. “We have a lot to discuss before it gets too late.” His proposal that wasn’t a proposal. Our future that really wasn’t one.
“Yet another question?” Kieran leaned back, crossing his arms. “Seriously? Do you ever get tired of asking so many?” “Apparently, you don’t, since you just asked three of them.”
“Kieran was right. You do ask a lot of questions.” My eyes narrowed. “Curiosity is a sign of intelligence.”
“Retribution is yours, if you want it,” he said. “And if not, I will be your blade, the thing that ends his miserable existence. It’s your choice.”
“But you know what else is true? Right now, you are destroying an intricate section of the system that has chained an entire kingdom for hundreds of years,” he added. “You should never forget that you were once an accessory, but you also shouldn’t forget what you are now a part of.”
“And now?” he repeated. “Sure doesn’t feel impersonal.” I reacted without thought, slamming my elbow into his stomach. Casteel grunted out a curse. “Please don’t fight atop the horse,” Delano called out from somewhere behind us. “None of us wish to watch Setti trample either of you.” “Speak for yourself,” came Kieran’s droll voice. Casteel straightened behind me. “Don’t worry. Neither of us will fall. It was just a love tap.” “That did not look like a love tap,” Naill commented. “That’s because it was a very passionate one,” Casteel replied.
“That sounds like a very dysfunctional…engagement.” “You can’t spell dysfunctional without fun, now can you?”
I stared at the bow and the bloodstone arrow. “Is it Craven?” I asked, having seen the rocks right before they arrived. I looked down, seeing no mist. “I don’t think Craven have started to decorate trees with craft projects, Princess,” he said, and my heart gave a stupid little leap.
“I don’t know why any of you think this is your lucky day,” he yelled back as he turned around. He shattered the arrow in his fist. “It’s really not. Not when my cloak has been ruined. And I really liked it. It was warm, and now it has godsdamn holes in it. How will that keep me warm?” Something about him being more upset about his ruined cloak than he was about having multiple holes in his body had a strange, calming effect on me.
“That’s true,” Kieran said, and I thought he’d moved closer. “You took out the mouthy one?” I nodded as Casteel cursed when the arrow he’d been pulling on most likely got stuck on something important. Like an organ. “With your dagger?” Kieran sounded impressed. “That and my sparkling personality.” The wolven snorted. “It was probably the latter that did him in.”
“I heard one of them talk about how they wanted to make a cloak out of my fur,” Delano said from where he rode to our right. His brows were furrowed. “My fur should be reserved for something far more luxurious than a cloak. I bit him extra hard for that.”
He tugged me back so I leaned into him once more. “You’re warm,” he offered in way of explanation. “Thought Atlantians didn’t get cold.” “Don’t point out my inconsistencies.”
Shame slithered through me, another tell-tale sign that in many small ways, I’d been a part of the problem. A spoke in the wheel of the very system that brutalized hundreds of thousands, including myself.
Beauty, my sweet child, is often broken and barbed, and always unexpected."
A terrace door swung open, and a gust of wind swept through the room and over the bed as Kieran stormed inside, his hand on the hilt of his sword. He drew up short, brows inching up on his forehead. I had no idea what he could see or how much Casteel’s body shielded since the curtains had been pulled back. “I heard you scream,” Kieran said in way of explanation. “Obviously, I misread the situation.”
“But even so, sometimes, the heartbreak that comes with loving someone is worth it, even if loving that person means eventually saying goodbye to them.”
“I asked him about that.” “This is my surprised face,” Kieran murmured, and when I looked at him, his expression was the same as always. Bored with a hint of amusement.
“Then we must seal the deal,” he told me. “And do you know how Atlantians seal a deal? They do so with a kiss.” “Really?” I asked doubtfully. “That sounds incredibly problematic.” “Perhaps.” “And it also sounds like a lie.” Casteel nodded. “It is.”
“Please don’t kill me,” I murmured as I reached up, gripping the saddle. “Being killed by a horse named Molly would be embarrassing.”
I wanted his mouth on mine, kissing away the lies his lips once spoke.
“Only on one condition,” I said. “You have a condition now?” I nodded, my heart thundering. “I don’t want to pretend,” I whispered. “I’m Poppy and you’re Casteel, and this is real.”
“Are you still covered?” “Yes. I’m careful, Poppy,” he said without hesitation, gathering up our clothing and my boots. “I wouldn’t risk a child.” Between us. He hadn’t said that, but it hung in the air nonetheless. And there was another odd, irrational bite. One which made no sense because of the idea of having a child with anyone was more terrifying than finding an actual creature with fins for legs and tails for arms under my bed. There was something obviously wrong with me because it still hurt. Because what was real to him wasn’t the same for me.
“Good gods, that idiotic boy.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, and I felt the flare of annoyance in him. “One of these days, I will learn to keep my mouth shut.” I sure hoped not, since it was clear there was a lot I’d never hear if it weren’t for him.
“You stabbed Casteel?” Jasper repeated. “In the heart? With bloodstone. And you thought it would kill him?” “In my defense, I felt bad afterward.” “She did cry,” Casteel remarked. I was going to stab him again.
“We were getting ready to head in there.” Delano stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. “But we figured we’d wait until the air cleared a bit.” “Good choice,” I muttered. “Looks like the room is airing out now.” Naill’s gaze flicked over my shoulder. The muscles in the back of my neck tightened. “Please tell me that’s not him.” “Well, I suppose it depends on who him is,” Delano drawled. I turned to see Casteel coming down the steps and across the short distance that separated us, his gaze locked onto mine. “I have a feeling the air is going to get a bit thick out here.” Naill
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I didn’t think it was impossible for them to change. Feelings were not stagnant. Neither were opinions or beliefs, and if we stopped believing people were capable of change, then the world might as well be left to burn.
“Do you have better ideas?” He stepped closer, the heat and scent of him reaching me. “I know I do.” My gaze shot to him. “If you’re suggesting what I think you are, I am going to stab you in the heart again.” Casteel’s eyes flashed a warm honey. “Don’t tempt me with empty promises.” “You are so twisted.”
“Alastir was right. I do take after my father when it comes to women with sharp objects,” he said. “I don’t care.” He ignored that. “My mother has stabbed my father a time or a dozen over the years. He claims he deserved it each time, and truthfully, he never seemed all that torn up about being stabbed. Probably had something to do with the fact that they’d be holed up in their private chambers for days after a spat.” “Glad to know the disturbed apple doesn’t fall too far from the crazy tree.”
“Someone is likely to be very irritated if you stab me, and I end up bleeding all over the bed.” “You could always clean up after yourself.” “There’s something innately wrong with the idea of being stabbed and then having to clean up my own blood.”
“You can let go. I’m not going to stab you.” “I find that oddly disappointing.” “And I find that extremely disturbing.”
I wanted to tell him right then that I could bear his touch because I loved him. But it didn’t seem like a good idea with the sky being on fire.
“I truly hope you’re not filling her head with tales about me.” “Are they tales I should know?” I asked. “Depends.” Casteel eyed Kieran’s father. “If they involve anything that happened between when I was a babe through my Culling, the answer would be no.” My brows rose. “Well, now I’m definitely interested.”
“I was,” I admitted. “For a couple of minutes. But you were right.” His brows lifted. “Blessed be the gods, someone mark the date and time. She just admitted I was right.”
“I don’t understand any of this. Like how do I want to stab you and kiss you at the same time? And I know you said that I deserve to be with someone who didn’t kidnap me, or someone I don’t want to stab—” “Forget I said that,” he said, closer to me when I looked up. “I have no idea what I was talking about. Maybe I didn’t even say that.” My lips twitched. “You totally said that.” “You’re right. I did. Forget it.”
“Anyway, Casteel stopped by when he was looking for my father and asked if I had anything that would be deserving of a Princess to wear to her wedding. I told him no. That all I owned was deserving of a Queen,” she replied, and I grinned at that.
“And it’s time. They’re here.” “Wolven senses must be amazing,” I said as my heart started to pound once more. She grinned. “They are, but I saw my father walk past the window.” “Oh.” I laughed. “Well, then.”
