A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire (Blood and Ash, #2)

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

His eyes met mine, and a long moment passed as he stared down at me like he…like he cared, as if he would do anything to take back the pain I felt.

Casteel took my hand in his. A charge of awareness seemed to pass between our joined palms, traveling up my arm. I glanced up at Casteel in surprise. He stared down at me, lips parted enough that I could see the hint of fangs. The amber hue of his eyes was luminous in the dim stairwell. “Sparks,” he murmured.

“Did you just pull me into a pantry?” “I did.” Casteel’s chin dipped as he stepped into me. Dark hair toppled forward onto his forehead. I stepped back, bumping into a shelf. Jars rattled. He was so tall, I had to crane my neck all the way back to meet his gaze. “Why?” “I wanted a moment alone.” He placed his hands on the cupboard above my head. “With you.” Senses hyperaware, I watched him lean in as a confusing tremor of anticipation coiled its way down my spine. “And you needed this moment alone in a pantry?” He turned his head slightly, lining up his mouth with mine. “I just needed.”

“There are many times when I’m in utter awe of you.” I stilled. Every part of me. “I shouldn’t be surprised by what you’re capable of,” he went on. “What you’re willing to do. But I am. I’m always in awe of you.”

“There is one more thing I need. Something that I’ve needed for days. Weeks. Months. Maybe forever.” The bridge of his nose brushed mine. “But I know you won’t allow it. Not like this.” The pounding in my chest moved lower. “What…what have you needed for so long?” “You.”

Lifting my hands from the shelf, I gripped the front of his tunic and pulled him against me. “I thought you were going to kiss me.” “Isn’t that what I’m doing?” I shook my head. “That’s not what you can do.” He chuckled against my lips. “You’re right. It’s not.” Then he truly kissed me.

Casteel stared down at me, his lips swollen, eyes a vivid, molten gold. Gods, he was shamelessly beautiful, and he looked as thoroughly undone as I felt.

“Don’t look at me like that.” “Like what?” I didn’t recognize the throaty voice. “Like you don’t think that was enough.”

“He’s not wounded,” Kieran answered. “At least, not physically. Emotionally, I believe you left him shredded.”

“Let me be enough, at least for tonight.”

“By the way, I’m not yours,” I told him. “I don’t belong to anyone but myself. Nothing changes that.” “What if I just wanted a piece of you?” He shifted the reins to his other hand. “A tiny piece that belonged to me? I can think of a few I would love to have, Princess.” My cheeks warmed. “I bet you can.” His laugh was rough and deep. “Tell me what piece of you I can have. It can be any piece of your choosing. Whatever it is, I’ll take it.” His chin grazed my cheek. “It will be my most prized possession.” I didn’t offer Casteel a piece of me as we rode forward, joining the others. There was no reason to because what he didn’t know was that he already held too many of them.

They’d expect me to fall for someone as fiery as she is kind, brave…even to a fault. Someone who pushes back.” His fingers now moved up and down in a straight line, but for once, his words were far more distracting. “They’d expect someone like you, to be honest. Not the veiled Maiden. That is not who you are.”

I reacted without thought, slamming my elbow into his stomach. Casteel grunted out a curse. “Please don’t fight atop the horse,” Delano called out from somewhere behind us. “None of us wish to watch Setti trample either of you.” “Speak for yourself,” came Kieran’s droll voice. Casteel straightened behind me. “Don’t worry. Neither of us will fall. It was just a love tap.” “That did not look like a love tap,” Naill commented. “That’s because it was a very passionate one,” Casteel replied. “You’re about to get a love tap to your face,” I muttered under my breath. Casteel curled his arm more firmly around my waist as he laughed. “There’s the vicious little creature. I missed her.”

“You can’t spell dysfunctional without fun, now can you?”

He was too vivid, too bright to think of him no longer being there. But he would be gone one day. When this was all over and we parted ways, he would be gone from my life. That was what I wanted—what I planned. Then why did I suddenly feel like crying?

“I think he broke the bow, though.” “But he didn’t break you.” Casteel straightened his tunic, the tension bracketing his mouth easing. “And that’s all that matters.”

“Thought Atlantians didn’t get cold.” “Don’t point out my inconsistencies.”

Casteel demounted with ease and then settled his hands on my hips, lifting me from the saddle. My pulse thrummed as my body slid against his, our heavy cloaks proving to be no real barrier. The hands at my hips tightened. I looked up, his gaze catching mine. For a moment, neither of us moved as we stared at each other. There was an intent in the shape of his lips, one my body seemed to inherently recognize and respond to. I suddenly felt entirely too tight and yet too loose at the same time. His head tilted, sending my blood pumping. Anticipation was swift and sweet, and I knew I should pull away. We didn’t have to be this convincing, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I was snared like a rabbit.

a tiny part of me wished I had never experienced such pleasure at his hands. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t want this now, but that was only a small part. The rest couldn’t regret experiencing something so powerful and beautiful when I’d spent most of my life being forbidden to know what pleasure felt like.

He fed from me as if I were the sweetest nectar, the source of the very life force he needed. I was consumed.

“He’s not an animal,” I said, and I wasn’t sure why I’d said it, but I needed to. “I don’t know what he is, but he’s not that. He’s not a monster.” “No, he’s not.” His head tilted to the side. “I think you would’ve liked him if you had met him before all of this.”

Casteel is just more…alive when he’s with you,”

Casteel could care for me, but not deeply. While I would…oh, gods, I already knew what it meant for me to care for him—what I desperately wished wasn’t the case. That I’d started falling in love with him when we first met and hadn’t stopped.

I wanted to be with him—to stay with him somehow. Because he made me feel…. He made me feel like I was alive.” I swallowed hard. “I did care for him. I cared for him a lot.”

“I think you’re heartmates.”

To him, the means justified the end. But Casteel had drawn a line that he wouldn’t cross. And that line was me.

“Forcing a warrior to don a veil of submission was never going to last.” Feeling my cheeks warm, I looked away. “I don’t know about the warrior part—” “I do,” he insisted. “From the moment you stayed instead of walking out of that room at the Red Pearl, I knew you had a warrior’s strength and bravery. It’s why you went to Rylan’s funeral. It’s what drove you out to the Rise when the Craven attacked and fought back—fought me. It’s why you didn’t bow under Alastir’s remarks when you first met him but rather challenged his beliefs. Hell, it’s what drove you to learn how to fight in the first place.” A dimple appeared in his right cheek. “It’s your bloodline—it’s you.”

“Wait.” He swung his head toward mine. “Do you even know what could happen during that ritual that would make it so very crude—” “I know what could happen,” I snapped. “Is it because of that diary?” “Shut up.” “Did you bookmark the chapters detailing how Willa spent afternoons entertaining not one but two suitors, one in front and the other—?” “You seem to know a lot about that book.” “I love that fucking book,” he said, and my jaw ached from how hard I was clenching it. “So, you’re interested then, Princess. What a wild side you have.”

“But you came back.” “There were times when I didn’t think I would, Poppy.” He stared into the flames, his voice barely audible. “When I forgot how much time had passed. When I forgot who I was and what mattered to me. It was like parts of my brain had turned dark.” He dragged a hand through his hair and then dropped it to his knee. “But I came back. Not the same. Never the same. But I found parts of who I used to be.”

“But you’re not, Casteel.” His eyes widened slightly as he looked at me. “What?” “It’s just that you hardly say my name.” “Should I call you Your Highness?” “Gods,” he choked out. “No.” I did grin a little at that, and he saw it and stared as if I’d just pulled off an amazing feat. I had no idea why a grin from me would do that.

I want to help you. Because as stupid as this may make me, and only the gods know why, I care about you! So, yeah, I don’t want to have my throat ripped open, and I also don’t want to know that you’re suffering for no reason.”

“I’m so incredibly unworthy of you,” he whispered, and I shivered, remembering the only other time he’d said that to me. It was the night I’d shared my body, my heart, and my soul with him.

I was the fire, and Casteel was the air that fed it.

Casteel’s eyes closed as he drew in a ragged breath. “Poppy…” There was a wealth of need in that one word, in my name. I trembled. Then his eyes opened again, and they were nearly luminous. “You’ve already given so much of yourself, done so much for me,” he said, and I thought he spoke of more than just my blood. His mouth lowered, and the anticipation swelled. He stopped mere inches from my mouth as his hand curved around my hip. “Let me do this for you. Let me take away the ache.”

“This isn’t about me.” His hand drifted over my stomach, to where my skin was bared at the left hip. “Let me thank you the only way I can right now. Let me show you my gratitude.”

I always want more when it comes to you.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” I closed my eyes. “It was my choice.”

“I like that,” Casteel said. “What?” “You looking at me.”

Silence stretched, filling the room, and then he said, “Can I…can I just hold you?” he asked, and I’d never heard him sound so uncertain. “There are things I should be doing, and I know we’re not in public, and I know that what we shared doesn’t change anything, but…can I…can we just pretend?”

We hadn’t dozed that long, maybe a little over an hour before I woke to find him propped up on his elbow, watching me. When I asked what he was doing, he simply responded with, “Enjoying the scenery.”

He rolled up the sleeve, halting just below my elbow. “Want the sleeves higher?” Knowing that he was asking because of the pale scars on my inner elbows, I nodded. There was a glimmer of approval in his eyes as he tucked the sleeve so it was above my elbow.

“No one else will treat you as Hawke. They won’t see me as Poppy.” His gaze lifted to mine. “No one else matters. Just you and me.”

“Sorry,” he whispered against my lips. “I know I should’ve asked first, but your laugh… It undoes me, Poppy.” He slid his hands over my cheeks, his fingers not hesitating when they reached the scars. “You’re more than welcome to punch me for it.” I didn’t want to punch him. I wanted him to kiss me again.

I didn’t need experience to recognize the difference. He didn’t have pieces of me. He had my whole heart, and he had from the moment he allowed me to protect myself, from the moment he stood beside me instead of in front of me.

I fell for you when you were Hawke, and I kept falling for you when you became Casteel.”

It’s you. It’s me. It’s us. What I feel? Like how I want to take your pain away and yet throttle you at the same moment? How your stupid dimples are infuriating, but I look for them every time you smile because I know that’s a real smile. I don’t know why I look forward to arguing with you, but I do. You’re clever, and you are kinder than even you realize—even though I know you have earned the title of the Dark One. You are a puzzle I want to figure out, but at the same time, don’t. And when I realized you have so many masks—so many layers, I kept wanting to peel them back, even though I fear it will only hurt more in the end.”

“Your heart, Poppy? It is a gift I do not deserve.” He placed his hands on my knees as he lifted his gaze to mine. “But it is one I will protect until my dying breath. I don’t know what that means.” He stopped, curling his fingers into the leggings, into my skin. “Okay. Fuck. I do know what that means. It’s why I’m in awe of everything you say or do—everything you are. It’s why you’re the first thing I think about when I wake and the last thought I have when I fall asleep, replacing everything else. It’s why when I’m with you, I can be quiet. I can just be. You know what that means.”