fast

by Millie Belizaire

Later on in life, I would come to understand that trauma unlocks parts of the mind that sometimes need to stay locked. Some people have it worse than I do. For them, their trauma introduces a new set of behaviors that can’t be so readily ignored by saying, “Oh… they just have their ways about them.”

Somebody somewhere once said, ‘Time heals all wounds.’ My only question to that has always been… how much time? I have a different theory. You see, I think time makes you forget the things that never mattered. However, when things are serious—traumatic, maybe—time has a way of painting unforgettable images into your memory. Trauma is like cement; time only makes it more solid.

Sometimes you can fool yourself into thinking you’re “over” something. Then you catch yourself saying things, doing things, avoiding things, realizing you never truly got over anything. You just set new boundaries so that the same thing couldn’t happen to you twice.

Time doesn’t heal most wounds. If you’re lucky, time distracts you long enough...

“First of all,” Shaun started matter-of-factly, “that’s not how love works. And second, even if that was how love worked, you would still deserve it. You would still deserve mine.”

How ever much he desired me, I knew he would never take anything I wasn’t willing to give. With him, I was safe.

“So, if I was your girlfriend, would you keep choosing me?” Shaun kissed the sensitive skin behind my left ear, and then in it he whispered, “I will always choose you.”

“Aht-aht, I’m your best friend, not your yes-bitch. I don’t have to agree with everything you say.”

There’s a big difference between loving someone and having love for someone. When you love someone, you love them for who they are. When you have love for someone, you love what they can do for you.

into

I was a bad person. Yes, terrible things happened to me, but that didn’t give me the right to be a bad person. To be such a bad friend.

You can never win against someone if you don’t ever want to see them lose.

Men are self-serving. Not all men, of course, but a woman might have to go through several guys before she finds one who cares just as much about her body as he does about his own.

“Protect me now by keeping Kahfi safe. You have to make him happy. You have to make sure he’s safe. If Kahfi is happy, then me and Marron don’t never need to come out. That’s the way.” Moreno looked at me like someone getting ready to say goodbye, tears still streaming down his little face. “Me and Marron were never supposed to be here in the first place.”

Age allowed me to understand that pain is unavoidable, and you’d live a very meaningless life trying to avoid it.