One to Watch

by Kate Stayman-London

Producer: When did you have a sense that something might be wrong? Nash: It seemed weird that they wanted us to go get food. Like, aren’t there assistants for that? We’re on the show. Producer: So why did you go? Cooper: I don’t know, man. Bea’s brother was there, and he’s so fucking creepy. He was waving the truck keys at us. We just got in. Producer: What happened then? Nash: He said the place was just up the road, but he didn’t mention it was this long, winding backcountry dirt road with maybe fifteen turnoffs. And when we got there … the smell. Cooper: I’ve never seen so many cows in my life. The stench, the manure … it was so much. Producer: So did you get the ice cream? Cooper: No, man! Tim dropped us off at some random gate, said we just had to walk through the cows and the ice cream shop was right there, that he was gonna go park. Then he fucking took off! We had to wade through a literal field of shit. A field. Of. Shit. Producer: (laughs) Nash: Hey, fuck you, man. It was not funny. Producer: Come on, guys. It’s kind of funny. Nash: We were in the middle of nowhere, with no humans, no directions, no phones— Producer: No cameras. Cooper: Exactly! It took us, what, three hours to find our way back to civilization? Producer: And you smell like cows. Cooper: (turns to Nash) Hey—do you think they did this because you called Bea a cow? Nash: (realizes) Motherfucker.