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December 11, 2020 - January 5, 2021
To empower the lost voices and undervalued ways of women is not an either/or, oppositional proposition. Rather, it is an act of restoration, a righting of a world seriously out of whack.
When I dream of a better world, I dream of men fearlessly reclaiming words and traits that have been coded feminine: feelings, empathy, communication. I dream of women reclaiming traits that have been coded masculine: ambition, confidence, authority. But what I dream of most is women and men mixing it up, blending it all together, tempering power with wisdom, giving muscle and prestige to love and nurture.
What Einstein did say is this: “A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. Often in evolutionary processes a species must adapt to new conditions in order to survive. Today we must abandon competition and secure cooperation. This must be the central fact in all our considerations . . . otherwise we face certain disaster.”
In any direct light, we cast a shadow. The shadow is a psychological term for everything we can’t see in ourselves.
We project onto others anything we bury within us.
Exploring our shadow side, however, gives us tremendous opportunities for growth and development.
They turn into the fear of intimacy, the compulsion to be right, all the way to misogyny and abusiveness.
OLD-STORY POWER DOING POWER DIFFERENTLY Strong/weak hierarchy model Partnership model Authoritarian Interactive Collaborates competitively Collaborates connectively Values individualism, fortitude, and action Values relationship, empathy, and communication Withholds praise/encouragement Generous with praise and encouragement Denies one’s own mistakes and vulnerability Transparent about mistakes and vulnerability Dominates, interrupts, overrides Listens, processes, includes
I’d want to learn how to work through conflict before it turned into destructive behavior.
Undersharing, underpraising, under–talking things out are at the core of some of humankind’s deepest problems. I am on a mission to dignify the art of conversation, of chatting, of reaching across the table with a touch, of laughing and crying, of finding the value in each other’s presence even if we disagree with each other’s ideas. It’s time for us to ignore the complaints that women talk too much, gossip too much, overshare, or whatever words are used to silence the ways in which women naturally connect.
To share your feelings openly, to give words to fear, to reveal that you aren’t as sure of yourself as you may look—this is paramount to treason in the world of the strong and the silent.
But when you have had it pounded into you since you were a child that strength and vulnerability cannot dwell in the same person, emotional intelligence sounds like a disease.
The separation of “private speaking” from “public speaking” is a man-made construct. It stripped the emotional from the rational, the heart from the head. It elevated individuality over connectivity instead of honoring both.
To bring sensitivity, depth, and emotional intelligence into the work world. To demonstrate a more vulnerable and transparent communication style. To teach it, to dignify it, to normalize it. It’s time for all people to learn how to speak and how to listen, how to take space and how to give space.
excuse to avoid tough conversations and give honest and productive feedback.”
Talking about people rather than to them is unkind. . . . Armoring up and protecting our egos rarely leads to productive, kind, and respectful conversations.”
Different words are used today: nasty feminist, angry black woman, shrill politician.
They had done this through the simple act of speaking honestly, listening patiently, working through their complex and conflicted feelings, and, over time, humanizing one another.
There are all too few heroes with a romantic heart and a fun-loving nature. —Isabel Allende
do no harm but take no shit.
