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No more trying to look uninvolved as my own father fought for parking spaces at the Farmers Market. Shouting down Beverly Hills dowagers asserting their luxury sedan right of way by nosing their gigantic cars into spaces marked COMPACT ONLY. You stupid overmedicated bitch. If you don’t back that fucking jalopy out my space, I swear to God, I’m going to punch you in your anti-aging-cold-cream face and permanently reverse five hundred years of white privilege and five hundred thousand dollars of plastic surgery.
“Damn, massa, these plums sho’ am good. They Japanese you say? Well, you musta stuck yo’ hand up Godzilla’s asshole, cuz you gotta green thumb like a motherfucker.”
like Banksy after spending six days searching the Internet for ideas to steal and three minutes of sidewalk vandalism to execute them.
The sample was so delicious that I scooped up the excess juice running down my chin and rubbed it into my gums. I don’t know if this is irony or not, but the best fucking apples taste like peaches.
Regular Whiteness: Benefit of the Doubt Higher Life Expectancy Lower Insurance Premiums Deluxe Whiteness: Regular Whiteness Plus Warnings Instead of Arrests from the Police Decent Seats at Concerts and Sporting Events World Revolves Around You and Your Concerns
Super Deluxe Whiteness: Deluxe Whiteness Plus Jobs with Annual Bonuses Military Service Is for Suckers Legacy Admission to College of Your Choice Therapists That Listen Boats That You Never Use All Vices and Bad Habits Referred to as “Phases” Not Responsible for Scratches, Dents, and Items Left in the Subconscious
Like Nazis at a Ku Klux Klan rally, they were comfortable ideologically, but not in terms of corporate culture.
Both dudes wore khakis whose baggy leggings spilled over two pairs of Nike Cortez sneakers so fucking new that if they had taken one shoe off and placed it to their ear like a conch shell, they’d hear the roar of an ocean of sweatshop labor.
