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lame date (yet another) brooding behind dark bangs, sometimes glancing at the flat-screen TV, where a Jets game seemed to interest him more than Sasha’s admittedly overhandled
Krista Boettcher liked this
aphrodisiac,
“I’m always happy,” Sasha said. “Sometimes I just forget.”
Sasha, who was thirty-five, had passed that point.
blown past the desired point of meaningful-connection-through-shared-experience into the less appealing state of knowing-each-other-too-well.
In fact the whole apartment, which six years ago had seemed like a way station to some better place, had ended up solidifying around Sasha, gathering mass and weight, until she felt both mired in it and lucky to have it—as if she not only couldn’t move on but didn’t want to.
malapropism
clandestine
As he sipped, a sensation of pleasure filled his whole torso the way a snowfall fills up a sky. Jesus, he felt good.
cacophony
miasma
he was nothing—a guy on a john looking up at the nauseated face of a woman he’d wanted to impress.
ubiquitous
quaaludes,
I can’t tell if she’s actually real, or if she’s stopped caring if she’s real or not. Or is not caring what makes a person real?
nascent
I feel a kind of anger that fills up my head sometimes and rubs out my thoughts like chalk.
I felt no shame whatsoever in these activities, because I understood what almost no one else seemed to grasp: that there was only an infinitesimal difference, a difference so small that it barely existed except as a figment of the human imagination, between working in a tall green glass building on Park Avenue and collecting litter in a park. In fact, there may have been no difference at all.
one key ingredient of so-called experience is the delusional faith that it is unique and special, that those included in it are privileged and those excluded from it are missing out.
Vinegar: that’s what fear smells like.
Kathy was a Republican, one of those people who used the unforgivable phrase “meant to be”—usually when describing her own good fortune or the disasters that had befallen other people.
“You get everything. Total access. You can watch me take a shit if you want to.”
morose behemoth
commingling
I want to fuck her (obviously) and then kill her, or possibly kill her in the act of fucking her (“fuck her to death” and “fuck her brains out” being acceptable variations on this basic goal). What I have no interest in doing is killing her and then fucking her, because it’s her life—the inner life of Kitty Jackson—that I so desperately long to reach.
a presentation before the grand jury followed by my indictment for attempted rape, kidnapping and aggravated assault; my present incarceration (despite the heroic efforts of Atticus Levi to raise my $500,000 bail) and impending trial, which is to begin this month—on the very day, as luck would have it, that Kitty’s new movie, Whip-poor-will Falls, opens nationally.
What he needed was to find fifty more people like him, who had stopped being themselves without realizing it.