Hemlock Grove

by Brian McGreevy

Better that paid for his own drugs.

What? Syntax is weird.

There was a coffee mug on the counter with the comic strip character Cathy on it and a small chip the shape of a shark’s tooth that held loose change.

Terrible writing style. Syntax is way off.

The blond girl at the Twist in pumps and a miniskirt, leaning in that skirt as though daring her not to, or some taunting mystic withholding revelation.

Again, how do yoi parse this sentence? Who or what is leaning?

There was a crane system overhead and at one end an immense, shadowy mass like a dead whale, or sleeping.

One of many stylistic errors that are just clumsy.