Sad Janet: A Novel

by Lucie Britsch

I work at a dog shelter, so I know a thing or two about sadness. It’s like the exact opposite of Disney World.

Melissa and I are both vegans—working with animals will do that—but

Dogs make me the closest to happy I’ve ever been.

When I was younger, I thought I might want to be happy when I grew up. It was something I might at least want to try, like making my own bread, or a home enema. I quickly came to realize, though, that it’s the kind of thing I could never sustain in my regular life, like bangs or a gym membership.

I love October. It’s a good month. It makes me the closest to happy a month can make anyone. It’s always Halloween in my heart.

Pharma Guy is wearing a suit, so we know he is at work. Karen’s outfit is obviously homemade, because it’s knitted, which is code for I have a ton of cats. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she was married, but to the Lord.

People see the shelter in two ways: as a second chance for dogs to find a home and love, or as a prison where unwanted dogs go to die. It can be either, really, but most days it’s just a version of home for all of us.

Sometimes I look at my phone just to not look at people, and no one suspects a thing.

anyone who’s been sad a long time knows that you get so used to it that it’s hard to give any other feelings a chance.

He said he thought the job would be more about playing with the dogs. We all thought that, I wanted to tell him, but instead I just told him to go and pick up the shit in Block A.

when we’re alone with the dogs, our private suffering drowned out by the very public suffering of twenty abandoned dogs.

When life throws you lemons, remember there are dogs.

It breaks my heart how excited dogs are at the mere idea of being taken for a walk.

The number of people who dump their dogs when they start a family is truly astounding.

They never mentioned Black Christmas, which is the best Christmas movie.

Read Christmas books. Like The Shining.

People think she’s saving those dogs, but really they’re saving her—and

the equivalent of bringing a book to a party, which is also my style.

It’s a Wonderful Life is showing at the Rialto. I saw it once, out of curiosity, because I thought a Christmas movie about suicide sounded right up my alley, but I couldn’t take it. I thought, I’d throw myself off a bridge too, if I had those annoying kids. And Mary’s worst fate is that she ends up a librarian? Everyone knows librarians are the best people.

all the dogs get walked together—which is less fun than you’d think, because a lot of them are psychopaths and don’t play well with others,

They smile and tell me what nice eyes I have, which means the rest of my face needs work.

how much better the world would be if we replaced sports with books.

I might finally be over dogs, until a new one comes in and it’s never known kindness and it breaks my fucking heart and I try so damn hard not to think about how disgusting humans can be until I can get home and drink myself to sleep.