It feels like a form of psychological torment for Eli to alternate between wanting to be next to me and wanting me as far away as possible. I cannot understand what his true feelings for me must be if it is so easy for him to snap back and forth, shut off and turn on. Why can’t I exhibit the same self-discipline? Eli lives by the letter of the law; it seems that God’s commandments are his one true love. He only wants me when I fit into the parameters of his pious devotion to halacha. My feelings are such fragile, scared creatures; they must be coaxed out slowly, and by the time they get
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