Shit, Actually: The Definitive, 100% Objective Guide to Modern Cinema

by Lindy West

Also, who writes their novel on loose pages on a typewriter in an open-air shack next to a pond? Amelia Bedelia?

Thats a deep cut

We open with a feather, which is a metaphor. You see, because it’s white, like Tom Hanks, and you want it to stay away from you, like the Vietnam War. Also this feather shot JFK.

In other words, I could not beat your niece at a Harry Potter trivia pub quiz, but I could maybe beat you. Relative to other Harry Potter people, I’m in it medium.

There’s this part in book six where Harry holds Quidditch tryouts for Gryffindors only and is like, “Yeah, I don’t know any of these people.” HOW? There are 150 of you tops and you all live in a tower together and eat treacle tart family style every day! You’ve never met Cormac McLaggen before?

Name one useful thing they learn in Transfiguration! Oh, finally, a solution to my teacup surplus / mouse shortage!