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January 4 - January 5, 2024
The pain that you are willing to endure is measured by how bad you want it. —DAVID GOGGINS
Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. —BRUCE LEE
Developing resilience largely depends on our ability to change the narrative in our minds around the inevitable challenges we face in life and find new answers to these important questions: What do I consider to be true adversity? How long do I wallow in my misery? Are emotional and physical pain realities to be avoided or embraced? How often do I dwell on things out of my control? How quickly do I bounce back? Am I willing to embrace extreme discomfort to live my extraordinary life?
A growth mindset is the bedrock of resilience. With a growth mindset you know that skills and success come from hard work and dedication, and the status quo is never enough. People with this mindset are comfortable being uncomfortable. Transparent feedback is not just accepted but craved, and setbacks are just another bump in the road fueling the fire to push forward.
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not: unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. —BUDDHIST PROVERB
Polish psychologist Kazimierz Dąbrowski argues that fear, anxiety, and sadness are not always undesirable or damaging states of mind, but rather representative of the necessary pain for psychological growth. To avoid pain is basically to deny our own potential. You don’t build muscle or physical stamina without experiencing pain. But it’s the type of pain that signifies forward progress.
As the famed Marine Corps officer Chesty Puller said, “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
the very instincts we humans once needed to avoid the pain of being devoured by a saber-toothed cat or attacked by a band of marauding warriors are the same that keep us from taking new risks. Venturing out. Trying new things. Getting out there in that big scary world and saying fuck it. Saying yes to life. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
In the West, we generally reject suffering. We see it as an unwelcome interruption to our pursuit of happiness. So we fight it, repress it, medicate it, or search for quick-fix solutions to get rid of it. In some cultures, especially in the East, suffering is acknowledged for the important role it plays in people’s lives on the meandering path toward enlightenment.
The largest mistake people make is masking their emotions and denying their true suffering. This is counterproductive and can lead to deeper problems in the future. When each emotion comes, feel it. Your body will tell you when it’s enough. Cry, scream, and cry again—maybe not in public though
We must take a step back and challenge our existing way of thinking, conduct a “perspective audit,” if you will. Ask: What is the root cause of my existing stress and suffering? Is my current perspective realistic? Is it solving any of my challenges? Or could there possibly be a different—and more productive—way of looking at things?
If I reflect on some of my more physically and emotionally painful experiences, how did I initially react? How long did it take for me to heal? Could I have done things differently?
When I have been especially resilient, what was true about me?
In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity. —SUN TZU
We succeed and fail as a team. So, when individuals make mistakes, everyone pays the man.
He later had a T-shirt made that read: “Stop staring. I got shot by a machine gun. It would have killed you.”
Lol
The point is that anyone (with the right amount of resolve) can embrace this warrior mindset and overcome seemingly insurmountable odds despite getting dealt some shitty cards. How we view and respond to adversity is a choice.
1. You can’t know what will happen until tomorrow—and it’s better that way. 2. You can’t control what happens, just how you respond. 3. Adversity distorts reality but crystallizes the truth. 4. Loss amplifies the value of what remains. 5. It’s easier to create new dreams than cling to broken ones. 6. Your happiness is more important than righting injustices.
Ask: what did I do well, what did I not do so well, and what will I change to enhance my performance?
When I get knocked down, do I get back up quickly or tend to drown in self-pity? Do I trend initially toward surprise, denial, and anger when given feedback or do I accept it and take action? What have I learned from the adversity I have experienced in my life? Did I apply that to make positive changes? If so, have I been consistent in applying those changes?
Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person or organization. These guiding principles ideally dictate behavior and can help us understand the difference between right and wrong. When clearly defined, they provide a beacon that keeps us on the path to an extraordinary life.
What do I value most in life? What is my ultimate purpose? My why? What is my plan for fulfilling that purpose?
Resilience is not about hard work toward short-term gains, but rather maintaining the long-term grind toward an ultimate goal.
Our capacity for self-control is benefitted by setting clear and realistic goals, by monitoring our progress toward those goals and sharing our successes and setbacks with others.
When we visualize the winning outcome and how we will arrive at that outcome, our brains begin working backward to define the path forward. If your goal is to run a marathon, then visualize yourself running the race and feeling the pain, the emotion, and the joy of the finish line. Picture each training day leading up to the race. What will you do? How will you feel? What temptations will you avoid?
Find an accountability partner, a trusted friend or colleague with whom you share your goals, objectives, challenges, and desired results. Schedule regular check-ins with your accountability partner and encourage them to keep you on track and be brutally honest when necessary.
As Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”
Ask yourself how much regret you’re willing to carry for not pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone.
Whether it be obstacles at work, difficult relationships unattended to, goals unaccomplished, or fears not faced, the more you lean in, the more you score. Then you move the goalposts and do it again.
Pursuing a stress-free life often causes more stress down the road; problems compound and when we fail to face our greatest challenges, we never overcome them.
When the stress of the training seems unbearable, we can own it, knowing that ultimately it is what we have chosen to do—to be a member of a team and win in any situation.”
And while the stress response can sometimes have adverse effects, in many cases, stress hormones do in fact induce growth and release chemicals into the body that rebuild cells, synthesize proteins, and enhance immunity, leaving the body even stronger and healthier. Researchers call this effect physiological thriving, and any athlete, combat veteran, or POW survivor knows its rewards.
One of my professional goals is to transform people and organizations through enhanced leadership ability at every level. That means I must constantly study and practice the art and science of leadership. One of the things on my list of stuff that sucks is having difficult conversations.
A goal of mine too
What do I do regularly to at least peek over the barriers of my comfort zone? When I do, what do I see? Does it compel me to leap over or climb back down?
No matter the exact number of daily decisions we make, we might as well pay attention to them, because—as author John C. Maxwell famously put it—“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.”
When you’re in hell, just keep going. —WINSTON CHURCHILL
Many people prefer to stay in their comfortable village. If they do venture out, it’s not very far. People stay in jobs they hate because they are too fearful of the risk involved in quitting and finding something new. They stay in unfulfilling relationships for years, only to be consumed by regret and the feeling that they’ve wasted their life. We postpone tough decisions we know need to be made because the idea of confrontation gives us deep anxiety.
I guarantee that training for—and competing in—a challenging race would bring you more happiness and fulfillment than buying a new car. Investing your limited time to give back or support a cause close to your heart will always bring more joy than yet another social engagement with friends you see all the time. Being disciplined about your fitness and wellness routine would bring you far greater satisfaction than making a little more money every year.
So, it’s not just about being more thoughtful in choosing what you are willing to suffer for, but also how to engage in proper suffering. Almost every self-help book seems to be about how to be happy, how to be empowered and engage in positive self-talk, how to be in a fabulous relationship, how to build wealth… in other words, how to be anything other than the inevitably suffering human beings most of us are at some point in our lives. But we all experience suffering, so why fight it? Better to embrace it, understand it, and learn to walk the path in harmony. Better to understand the steps we
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We only have so many things we can really give a shit about in this short life. If we try to give a shit about everything, chase every shiny object that passes us, or have too many goals, we end up with mediocrity. Multitasking simply means you’re doing many things in a half-assed, distracted manner all at once.
If you stumble, find the root cause and move on. Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in guilt, anger, or frustration, because these emotions will only drag you further down and impede future progress. Learn from your missteps and forgive yourself. Then get your head back in the game and violently execute.
a good plan executed violently today is far better than a perfect plan next week. Why? Because there is no such thing as a perfect plan, and, chances are, tomorrow will be different, bringing new challenges and new opportunities.
In my pursuit of personal and professional goals, how often do I ask myself if those goals align with my beliefs and values?
Death comes for us all. For the most part, we don’t know exactly when. Why waste a precious moment on pointless activities and relationships that leave us hollow and unfulfilled? Why leave our list of regrets to chance? Why not spend more time giving to causes greater than ourselves? Why not take total ownership and plan our extraordinary life with the end in mind?
In the absence of orders, I will take charge. Don’t wait for someone else to dictate your life for you. Take charge.
