Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict

by Joshua Coleman

It’s not uncommon for an estranged child to be angrier with one parent than the other. Children may feel closer to or identify with one parent over the other, even in non-estranged families. There may also be temperamental or personality differences between parent and child that make them more compatible with one parent. This doesn’t mean that the parent who is less of the issue for the child was a better parent per se. In some cases, they might choose the stronger parent to complain about because they know that he or she can take it. Either way, ongoing blame or feelings of blame can erode the overall strength and well-being of the couple. In addition, one member of the couple may blame the other more for the estrangement when that partner: Refuses to make amends. Won’t reconcile with the daughter-in-law or son-in-law. Won’t change behavior that is reasonable for the estranged child to request, such as working more on their anger, getting into a recovery program, or learning how to communicate in a way that is less alienating or hurtful to the estranged child.