Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict

by Joshua Coleman

On the other hand, when the parent is the client, many therapists fail to recognize the legitimacy of the adult children’s complaints about the parent. They accept the client’s narrative that the children are overentitled, disrespectful, self-centered. In so doing, they fail to help their clients address the valid needs and requests of the adult child. Instead, they encourage a kind of outdated and misguided form of assertiveness training: the parent is encouraged to set limits, insist on respect at all costs, and remind the adult child of everything they have done as parents. “This is what it feels like to be young now,” wrote a young journalist. “Not only are we screwed but we have to listen to lectures about our laziness and participation trophies.”