Misreading Scripture with Individualist Eyes: Patronage, Honor, and Shame in the Biblical World

by E Randolph Richards

In the Arab world, when children fail to embody the community’s values by being disrespectful to others, or failing to greet someone, or not sharing their things, Arab parents will often say āb (pronounced abe, meaning “shame”). When we were newly married in the Middle East, we saw this happening and declared, “We will never say āb to our children.” Of course, we planned to correct them when they did things wrong, but not by saying āb. Fast-forward six years. We had an eighteen-month-old son. My wife was in the grocery store, where the man who worked there routinely gave our son a banana. We often remarked on how kind and generous he was. Our toddler son had become used to this man’s generosity. One week, my wife was shopping for vegetables, and our son pointed to a banana and said “Nana.” The man hadn’t yet offered him one. The shopkeeper felt embarrassed. My wife looked down at our son and found āb on the tip of her tongue. She loves our son and wanted to protect both him and the man from embarrassment. Her heart was for “we,” the community, including both of them. The man felt embarrassed for not offering a banana and thereby appearing stingy. Our son should have felt embarrassed for asking before it was offered. My wife felt embarrassed by the old women who were clucking their tongues. (Judgmental moms and grandmothers are not just an American phenomenon.) Saying āb to our son would protect everyone. My wife would be protected because it would show the neighborhood tha...