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March 19 - March 22, 2022
Nicodemus doesn’t want to get into an honor contest. He has a genuine question. Similarly, when the disciples can’t figure out what Jesus is talking about, they remain quiet until the crowds leave: “After he had left the crowd and entered the house, his disciples asked him about this parable” (Mk 7:17; see also Mk 10:10).
Nicodemus becomes the first example of Jesus knowing what’s in the heart of man (anthrōpos). The Samaritan woman in John 4 becomes another.
Christian message is to ponder to whom should I submit. Rather than thinking of those under my authority, we should be only thinking of those under whose authority I am.
the New Testament paints a different value system. The Father has placed all things (his things) under the Son’s feet (Jn 3:35; Eph 1:20-22). The Son only does what the Father says (Jn 5:19). The Son allows many to disrespect him, but he says no one should disrespect the Spirit (Mt 12:31-32). The Spirit only glorifies the Son (Jn 16:14). While we might argue who is greater in the Trinity; the New Testament asserts that each part of the Trinity honors the other.
God honored his Son. God also honored his Son’s values: humility, love, and self- sacrifice. These are the kind of values the heavenly court of reputation values and honors. Paul says we are to let these values underlie our relations with others in our community.
The man would not be forced to admit (or deny) the deed. (In the West, we would think the problem is that the man hasn’t confessed his sin. In the East, they see the problem as broken relationships.)
Arman said, “We use the tool of shame because it is the best tool to use in this situation. If I label him a thief, he must fight or flight. Both would ruin the relationship. I don’t shame him to condemn him, but to restore him.”
In both cases, Westerners may struggle to see what’s happening. Many English-language theological dictionaries don’t even have an entry on shame. Those that do lump it together with honor and imply shame is bad, the opposite of honor.
many of us grew up in an individualist culture where guilt is used to reinforce values. Consequently, we see an immediate and—in our view—obvious connection between sin and guilt. Growing up, the message was, When you sin, as a Christian, you should feel guilt.
But guilt is just our cultural tool. Easterners have other cultural tools. The Spirit uses all of them to convict sinners to repent. Yet the obvious link that biblical cultures saw with sin was shame. Daniel says, “We and our kings, our princes and our ancestors are covered with shame, LORD, because we have sinned against you” (Dan 9:8). Shame was an important aspect of both the Old and New Testament worlds. It’s important to note that while Bible dictionaries
published in the West have extensive articles on guilt, they have very little on shame, even though Daniel, David, and Paul use shame language.
In my grandmother’s time, to have a sense of shame was to know the difference between right and wrong. If you “had no shame,” it meant you didn’t know the difference between the right and the wrong way to act. Someone was “shameless” when their actions suggested they didn’t know the proper way to act.
Someone in the Mediterranean said to me, “I feel shame about lying to my parents.” He hadn’t yet lied. He wasn’t condemned. No one was accusing him. At the thought of lying to his parents, he felt shame.
Interestingly, we might lump the gut feeling and the head alarm together as my conscience speaking. I certainly wouldn’t distinguish between them, but my friend clearly saw (felt) a distinction.
If by shame we mean feeling devalued, then giving honor certainly can make a person feel more valued. If they are disgraced, they need grace—to be shown favor and brought into community. Likewise, we can affirm, respect, and cherish an unwed mother, just as we would all believers, but how would honor help her out practically? (You may be thinking of a path back into the community, which is a goal of good shame, as we will see later.)
Nonetheless, honor isn’t the opposite of shame. Yet many English Bible translations try to make shame the opposite of honor. For example, the New International Version translates Proverbs 3:35, “The wise inherit honor, but fools get only shame.” Proverbs is describing opposites, but the problem is the translation.7 The New American Standard Bible translates it better: “The wise will inherit honor, but fools display dishonor.” Dishonor is the opposite of honor. Respect is the opposite of disrespect. Grace is the opposite of disgrace. But honor is not the opposite of shame.
Paul does not endorse any use of shame that causes someone or some people to be devalued, disgraced, or unwanted. The Bible calls this condemnation, not shame. Shame used properly provides a path of restoration.
Modern Mediterranean cultures have largely retained the ancient Mediterranean tool we call shame. This tool—or really, set of tools—deals with those who have not embodied the values of the community.
Saying āb to our son would protect everyone.
Saying āb saves the entire community.8 We were talking about this incident with Diana, a good Arab friend in Beirut. Diana said her parents had often said āb to her. She found it unhelpful because it had caused her to feel she was somehow lacking.
These are hardly biblical values we would want to train our children to embody. They were not values Diana admired. As a cultural tool, shame can be used to collectively remind and enforce values in members of our group.
Shame used properly restores. Shaming done right pulls back toward the center. Every culture (or subculture) has some agreed-on ways of treating another person with respect.
Collectivist cultures think collectively. It is not that the community is alarmed that I (as an individual) have moved too far. Their thinking is more alarm that I have pulled all of us off center. I am part of us, and I am influencing all of us. We could be known as a community that has drifted away from the proper way to treat someone with respect! My community will use shame to make me aware that I have drifted. The goal—and this is critical to understand—is to pull me back toward the center, for everyone’s benefit. We have rescued me and us.
This is important: Rami wasn’t just told āb; he felt āb.
Shame as a tool was used on both Rami and Diana to enforce and reinforce a value. The difference was which value.
Arabic translations say it is to be a lamb without āb.10 If we translate āb as “defect” instead of “shame,” we understand why Arabs would use that translation.
As authors, we believe shame is viewed negatively in our culture because shame is almost exclusively misused in our culture. Shame and shaming is misused when instead of pulling you back into the group, it pushes you away.
Shame is misused when it is applied too strongly and/or too publicly.
Westerners often prefer a direct approach. We don’t beat around the bush; we cut to the chase. We confuse this with honesty.
The individualist pastor did not realize the power of shame and did not chart a path of restoration, and alas, the man was lost. Furthermore, the rest of the flock probably internalized that the value being reinforced was attendance rather than relationship. So, as individualists, what do we do with shame and shaming? We certainly don’t want to superimpose modern Arab (or my grandmother’s southern American culture) understanding.
In 1 Timothy 2:9, Paul encourages women to dress “with shame” (aidōs). A literal translation doesn’t work at all in English.
Paul is saying that women should dress in a way that wouldn’t cause the voice in their head to say “shame” or for the community to think “shame.” Again, let’s avoid being too individualistic. It is not that an individual woman should determine for herself what is proper but that the women in the community, as a “we,” should determine proper dress. We help we.
Translating aidōs as “with modesty” can mislead in other ways too. In America, we assume Paul is talking about dressing in sexually modest ways. Paul is actually talking about economics, being economically modest. Women are not to dress lavishly, with expensive clothes, gold, and pearls. In antiquity, these were ways of dressing that said, “I have more
money than ...
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Paul says the women’s sense of shame, or knowing what was right, should discourage dressing lavishly. It didn’t embody the values at the heart o...
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Paul isn’t targeting women or clothing. It is a family issue and ultimately a community issue. Aidōs should have kept the entire church from doing this. Paul is using shame to reinforce a value: everyone has an equal seat at the Lord’s Table.
As with other social tools, such as honor or guilt, this assumes the values we want to enforce and reinforce are good ones.
Shame is a powerful tool. Wood can be carved with a whittling knife or a chainsaw. Both have their role. A chainsaw can be very, very useful.
Abraham’s world, and the story unfolds that way. Abraham’s god has no name and seems to focus on fertility. He promises Abraham a child. He also promises to give Abraham a land. The promised son shows up miraculously, but the land doesn’t seem to work out. Then this god appears to Moses and promises to deliver Abraham’s descendants, Israel, from bondage in Egypt. Moses politely asks the god’s name. (One should always be polite with a god.) Up to that point, the god had just been called Abraham’s, Isaac’s and Jacob’s god (Ex
When we read that, we think of it as some majestic title for the God of the whole world. It actually meant the opposite. He was a god with no name, but he is the god these three men worshiped. It is an inauspicious beginning for the Lord of the universe to begin to reveal himself. (Reminds us of a manger in Bethlehem—another inauspicious beginning.) Moses is told his name is I AM (Yahweh). Moses is somewhat skeptical that this god can deliver what he promises. After all, the promise of a land to Abraham hadn’t seemed to go anywhere.
collectivist cultures, values are held not by individuals but by groups, and groups determine identity and boundaries.
It is so easy for me to read salvation as being an individual matter. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (Jn 3:16).
The Bible teaches I’m saved—into a community. The new popular presentation of the gospel, the Three Circles, correctly emphasizes community and one’s relationship to community.
“Do you think I can become a follower of Jesus?” I replied that yes, anyone can. He was silent for a while. I wondered whether he might next ask, “What do I need to do to be saved?” He didn’t. Instead, deep in thought, he asked, “But how would that work, because nobody in my family has ever been a Christian?” I was silent for a while. I’d never been asked that question before, but I understood how important it was to him. He thought in “we.” He was thinking how the stories of Jesus and the good news I had shared that night affected him as a member of a group. A lot of theology is produced and
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As Westerners who have long focused on the individualistic implications of the gospel, we can learn a lot from the body of Christ in collective cultures. Many Lebanese, Syrian,
Chinese, Columbian, and Congolese brothers and sisters have long been explaining the good news in collective cultures.
Despite stories such as the book of Ruth, we see Jewish people in the Gospels who had restricted kinship to the blood lines of Abraham.
The shepherd cares for a flock, not a single sheep. The Bible speaks throughout of God as shepherd and his people (plural) being his flock. Yet, my mental image of the Good
In my individualist world, I preach
the gospel. Good. But “my” gospel is about personal (i.e., individual) salvation. Acts tells of the spread of the gospel. Luke begins with the disciples asking the risen Jesus, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” (Acts 1:6). He ends Acts by describing Paul: “He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ—with all boldness and without hindrance!” (Acts 28:31).
