After the Rain: Gentle Reminders for Healing, Courage, and Self-Love

by Alexandra Elle

Despite all the work I have done to arrive in a place of joy and contentment, there is still so much more to be considered. There is still much more to be done. Unfolding never stops, no matter how successful we become, how full we feel, or how at ease we may believe ourselves to be. There is always a next step, another way, and more to absorb.

I wish someone told my younger self that there is no end point or arrival date, ever.

Changing meant I had to start with being honest about who I was and who I wanted to be. It meant learning the difference between being alone and being lonely. I had to get my stuff together. And in order to do that, I knew I needed to leave people behind who were distracting me from my growth. I had to start from scratch and acknowledge my roles in the cycles that I said I wanted to break. Committing to change meant challenges and trust, which stripped me of everything that I knew.

It always feels much easier to play it safe. It makes more sense to stick with a guarantee than risk everything and disappoint. But I was ready for something more. More meant changing my ways, finding a respectable work ethic, saving my money, and doing things differently. I thought about every question my mom asked me. I weighed the pros and cons. I used the doubt she had, and the self-doubt I’d grown accustomed to, as fuel to make a new path for myself. If I didn’t believe in myself, who would?

I had gotten tired of hearing myself complain about what wasn’t.

Not feeling loved or cared for as a child did not give me the right to move through the world carrying self-destruction on my back.

How long could I blame my upbringing and self-worth deficit on everyone else? My past couldn’t keep speaking for my present.

I was the common denominator in my suffering, so I needed to adjust. Self-love feels like looking yourself in the eye, taking a deep breath, and saying: I see you.

Loving yourself isn’t always a beautiful process. It’s hard.

“Why can’t there be a destination in this self-healing work? Why does it have to be an ongoing process?”

Right

My truth was my truth, and sometimes it exposed itself in messy and confusing ways, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t enough or worthy,

It meant I was still learning from whatever I thought I had already learned.

emotional hardship does not have an end point.

I have grown to trust that things can get better.

sometimes, things won’t get better. And I’ll have to keep addressing them and learning from them. There’s an interesting lesson in that duality. No matter which way things go, I will continue to move forward.

Hurt happens, but so does healing.

Sweetness is coming.

I am learning to allow my pain to teach me, not harden me.

we make time for who and what we value.

I am the gardener of my destiny.

Letting go isn’t synonymous with missing out.

I will create space for change.

I am grateful to those who didn’t love me enough to stay; their absence taught me that self-love is my superpower.

I had to stop settling and forcing and being okay with the scraps of people’s effort and time.

I can flourish and be complete with or without someone standing next to me.

It is no one else’s job to make me feel whole and good—only I can do that.

you don’t possess people, you experience them.

I thought being close by made a world of difference, but it didn’t. Trust is trust, near or far.

Love requires vulnerability.

we don’t own people. We can’t stop anyone from hurting or disappointing us. And even those we love will make mistakes and let us down.

Dedication’s greatest lesson was to prepare for the rainbows, because you never know when one will catch your eye and capture your heart.

other people’s baggage isn’t ours to carry, and when they hand it to us and walk away, we can choose to leave it where it was placed.

In this moment, you’re still alive and breathing, even if it feels complicated and heavy. You don’t have to carry your trauma so close to your chest anymore. Unpack it. Leave things behind and start over as many times as you need to.

Gripping on to grudges wastes time and energy. It will distract you from being your best self.