Perfect on Paper

by Sophie Gonzales

The fact is, I have nothing to gain by putting bets on a gender, so statistics don’t matter. I don’t know their gender, so I’m not going to guess it. There’s no reason to. We have words for not knowing a person’s gender. Isn’t it more stubborn to use pronouns we don’t know, when our language caters to neutrality?”

was Raina. She stood awkwardly, looking at the floor and pulling on the ends of that too-tight ponytail. This alone was unlike her. She was usually forceful and confident—when she pushed her way through a crowd, it was a little like experiencing the running of the bulls. Here and now, though, she seemed almost hesitant.

Calling it now she likes Brooke

It was Brooke, who was one of those people who pressed enter after every few words, causing havoc to the recipient’s notifications. I was in love with a chaotic neutral.

“Because teenage girls are sweet and responsible and understand consent, and teenage boys are every father’s nightmare come true.”

“Consider it my driving tax. Oh, Darc, can we go to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique after this?” “Why?” I asked through a mouthful of mystery meat and batter. “I want a princess makeover. I didn’t get to have one when we were kids.” “I’m pretty sure there’s an age cutoff. You’re about a decade too late.” Her face darkened. “This is such bullshit.”

I love Ainsley so much so much

“It’s just my gut feeling, okay? And Brooke will be all happy—” “Yeah, fuck her, right?” Ainsley deadpanned. “—and she won’t even miss Austin and Ally.” “Who are Austin and Ally?” “That’s what we were going to call our twin babies.” I stabbed a fork into my mac and cheese, then stabbed again. “No, as your sister, I would not allow you to name your kids after a TV couple, that is wildly creepy and gross.” “It would’ve been adorable and nostalgic by then, but you know what? It doesn’t matter, because now Austin and Ally are dead.”

Why is this the funniest joke to me lmaooo

“I didn’t really see you with a guy,” Brooke went on, “but I guess a het relationship would have its pros. Not that I know why you’d opt for a guy when there are perfectly good women around, but I’m biased.” “Well, it wouldn’t be a het relationship, would it?” I asked. “Because I’m not straight.” “No, obviously. That’s not what I meant. I just mean you wouldn’t have to deal with homophobic bullshit.” “Yeah, I know what you meant.” But it still didn’t sit right.

Oh i dont like that wtf

But if I did like Alexander Brougham, what did that say about me? I tried to picture Dad’s reaction to Brougham, a guy, coming over again. The Q&Q Club’s reaction if I announced I was a girl dating a guy. The world’s reaction if I sat down at queer events and told them about my boyfriend. I hadn’t even realized I held that fear before. But now I thought about it, my stomach turned so violently that it was clear it’d been sitting in my subconscious long before this moment.

“Don’t gaslight her. What she’s describing is internalized biphobia, and bi’s didn’t invent this shit. Society sends us that message. We’re made to feel like we’re not queer enough to hang with queer groups all the time.”

Help why am I crying

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s how I feel. I’ve been told I was ‘turning’ straight or ‘turning’ lesbian again depending on which gender I got a crush on. And a little while ago, someone told me it was good I can date guys, because then I don’t have to face discrimination.” Brooke startled in her seat, and it was only then I remembered it was actually her who’d made that comment. I hadn’t brought it up to guilt her, and I hoped she didn’t take it that way. Now that I’d started letting out some of the anger and frustration I’d barely known was there, though, I couldn’t stop.

Bi erasure and internalized biphobia are probably the most obvious ones, and I believe my stance here is quite clear if you’ve made it this far: bi people are part of the queer community, and their identity does not change depending on who, if anyone, they happen to have feelings for or date at any given moment.