Truly

by Carmel Rhodes

“I see you, Truly. If my brother was stupid enough to drop you, you better fucking believe I’m going to pick you up. I will own you, every inch that belonged to him will be mine.”

He kisses me as if he’s trying to possess me. As if he’s depositing little bits of himself inside me to own me from the inside out.

The devil never sends damnation in its true form, otherwise, Noah would have red skin and horns. No, he tempts me with a six-three wall of muscle.

I could feel every emotion through those lyrics. It was thrilling, forbidden, melancholic, euphoric. My love of music was born in that basement. My love of spoken word was born there too.

God, they were so in love. They had the kind of love people write songs about. A love so deep, he still hasn’t moved on.

I love this

“It’s only settling if the bad outweighs the good. I can search my whole life for the perfect man and never find him. I want a real man who loves me, one who may not be everything I want, but who’s willing to be what I need.”

“Just once, I’d like you to smile at me like you smile at him and tell me good morning, Daddy.”

This made me chuckle

They possess a strength that I envy. They have faith that though things might not always be perfect, they will always persevere.

“Truly—” He opens his mouth, then closes it, choosing his next words carefully. “I have always noticed you. You just noticed him first.”

What a gift it has been to experience life in its most basic human form. Wandering off the beaten path, getting lost—-finding my way, dancing underneath the stars, falling in love with myself all over again.

Noah Tedesco is a lot of things. An asshole with violent tendencies mostly, but he’s also oddly thoughtful.

“I want you to kiss me until I forget how to breathe without you.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” he spits right back. “The pussy is just as good when you’re pissed as it is when you’re happy.”

“He said, and I quote, the one with the purple hair belongs to me.”

“Then act like it,” I say, my backbone is finally making an appearance. “You want free rein over my body? Deserve me. You want to own me? Earn me. You don’t get to parade other girls in my face and then feign innocence. You want to keep doing fucked up shit to me? You want to keep using me as an outlet for your rage, then prove that I can trust you to lead me down that dark path. If you want me, if you want to possess me, then I get to possess you too.”

Hell, I hate even admitting it to myself, but I love his possession. It feeds the lost part of my soul. The part that lost her mother too young and has been grasping for a life vest ever since.

“She loved gangster rap but she grew up in the church. So all her words of wisdom were either bible quotes or rap lyrics.”

“I’m not your prince, Truly. Our story isn’t a fairytale. I don’t vow to always be kind, or do what the world deems as right, but I will always do right by you. I will always protect you.

Swoon

Everyone has demons, and don’t think for one second that your demons are worse than anyone else’s. But faith, faith will guide you over any obstacle. Choose faith over fear, be wise, be brave and I promise you’ll come out on top every single time.

“You are a collection of other people’s expectations, but with me… you’re honest. You’re Truly, so maybe instead of spouting about faith, you should actually have some…in me…in us.”

“You mean the world to me. What we had, it saved me, and I will forever be grateful for your presence in my life. But with Noah, I had the kind of love my parents had, that Jamal and Melody Parker kind of love. I can’t just pretend like it never happened, and deep down, you know that you can’t either.”

“You told me you couldn’t keep bending yourself to make me comfortable, and I realized I don’t want to be the kind of man who makes you bend. I don’t want to change the person you are, Truly. I only want to change your last name.”