Truly

by Carmel Rhodes

“Do you know what entitled means?” I growl, snatching my phone from his hand. “What about psychopath?” I stomp over to the bookshelf and chuck the dictionary at his head. He ducks and it falls to the ground with a thud. “You’re being dramatic, Truly.” “And you’re being rapey, Noah.” He shakes his head, falling back onto my bed with a bounce. “You took sex off the table, remember, killjoy?” My eyes narrow. “So, then why are you still here?” He points to the TV. “Netflix and chill?” “I’d rather play in traffic.” It’s his turn to narrow his eyes. “We could put sex back on the table.” “Fine,” I huff, marching to the chair in the corner. “We can watch one episode of You, and then YOU need to leave.” “Into stalkers, huh?” He grins, kicking his shoes off and settling back against a pillow. “I’m researching how to get rid of one.”

How can I be so attracted to someone who has done such terrible things to me? He pulls my headphones off. “Are you okay?” he asks. His brown eyes bore into mine with something that feels an awful lot like concern. “Yeah. I’m fine.” I blink, looking away from his intense gaze. His fingers slip into the belt loops of my jeans, pulling me closer still. “I don’t like seeing you cry.” I scoff, Noah has been the reason for my tears since graduation. “Your actions prove otherwise.” “It’s different when you’re crying for me.” His gaze lowers to my lips. I don’t know if it’s because he realizes how fucked up that sounds, or if he’s picturing me crying for him, and it’s turning him on. Pressing my palm to his chest, I say, “It hurts all the same.”

“No one’s perfect. You just gotta learn to take the good with the bad.” “Sounds like settling,” I say. “It’s only settling if the bad outweighs the good. I can search my whole life for the perfect man and never find him. I want a real man who loves me, one who may not be everything I want, but who’s willing to be what I need.”

“I’m taking good care of her, Dr. Parker. He leans into the frame, wrapping an arm possessively around my shoulder. The call goes silent. Dad blinks no less than six times, then pinches the bridge of his nose. “I should have known we hadn’t seen the last of you.” Noah smiles proudly. “I’m persistent.” “I see.” Dad’s gaze narrows in on me, and it’s only now that I realize I’m still wearing Noah’s hoodie. “Everyone remembers that I know how to use a scalpel, correct?” “Yes, sir.” Noah chuckles. “Alright, well I’ll let you kids get back to whatever it is that you’re doing.” His face contours in disgust. “Never mind…just…bye.” I want to die. No, actually, I want Noah to die...painfully. “I love you, Daddy.” “Love you too, baby girl. I’m watching you, Tedesco.”

“Mine to lick. Mine to kiss. Mine to finger. Mine to fuck.” He drops a kiss on my inner thigh before looking up at me with wild eyes. “Mine.” “Then act like it,” I say, my backbone is finally making an appearance. “You want free rein over my body? Deserve me. You want to own me? Earn me. You don’t get to parade other girls in my face and then feign innocence. You want to keep doing fucked up shit to me? You want to keep using me as an outlet for your rage, then prove that I can trust you to lead me down that dark path. If you want me, if you want to possess me, then I get to possess you too.”

From that day on, whenever I had a bad day, or felt like maybe I wasn’t good enough, I played that song. I still play it to this day.” “When’s the last time you played it?” he asks. “After that night in the treehouse,” I whisper. He kisses the top of my head. “I’m not your prince, Truly. Our story isn’t a fairytale. I don’t vow to always be kind, or do what the world deems as right, but I will always do right by you. I will always protect you. Plus,” he pauses, and I can feel the corner of his mouth tip up, “I’ll fuck you better than the prince ever could.” I turn and rest my chin on his chest. “I’ve never fucked a prince, so how will I know who’s better?” “You’ll have to take my word for it.” “You’ve fucked a prince?” I giggle. He slaps me hard on the ass. “Fuck off.”

“I—No, I mean I see him in the dining hall sometimes.” “Three times, and all three times you ran like a little bitch.” That’s my best friend. The girl wouldn’t know how to sugarcoat something in a chocolate factory.

life is messy. Humans inherently are so. We are flawed, imperfect beings who do bad things and make mistakes, and turn down the wrong path. My mom used to say, growth didn’t come from avoiding those messy moments, it came from embracing them, learning from them, and knowing better the next time.

“Do you think Daddy is okay with Parker?” I ask, stumbling along after my husband. “Your dad, the doctor?” Noah snorts. “Even if he does break our son, I’m pretty sure he knows how to fix him.”