Let Them Be Kids: Adventure, Boredom, Innocence, and Other Gifts Children Need

by Jessica Smartt

Kids need to experience thrill, and they will, one way or another. You can either provide the space and example for healthy outlets, or they will find it in other ways.

Before you let them go be wild ones in the great big world, it’s a fabulous idea to provide hard-and-fast boundaries for things that are always off-limits. A “family code of ethics for play,” if you will. Here are some ideas: • It is off-limits to inflict pain on people or animals. • It is off-limits to damage or destroy property that does not belong to you. • It is off-limits to make someone do something that he or she does not want to do. • It’s off-limits to do something that an adult has already told you not to do.

You have a good brain inside your head. Use it. If something seems like a bad idea, maybe it is. • If you need help, I’m here for you.

Age-appropriate independence, with a hefty dose of “Wow, what a big kid you are now!” fulfills all sorts of needs inside of children. This is different from no supervision or just ignoring them to do whatever the heck they

want. Rightful independence says, “I see you. I notice who you are, and what you’re capable of. This is a new challenge, and you’re up to it. I’ll be right over here if you need me.”

As is so often the case, being authentic in parenting is devastatingly important.

My kids know their opinions matter, but they also know (to their deep-down relief) that they aren’t the ones who have to have the final say.