How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories (The Folk of the Air, #3.5)

by Holly Black

Jude looked up at him, and in her eyes, he recognized a hate big enough and wide enough and deep enough to match his own. A hate you could drown in like a vat of wine.

man i’m so giddy

“I want you to take me back,” she said. “None of our plans need to change. Nothing between us needs to change from the way it was before.”

OH SHUT UPPPPPPP

Those were the words that he’d hoped for her to say when he’d discovered her with Locke, but now, he found he no longer wanted them.

take that you fish bitch

“You must listen! Locke’s taken one of the mortal girls as his lover,” Nicasia said, obviously attempting to keep her voice from shaking.

forever a tragedy

“Which one?” Cardan asked. “Which mortal girl?”

INTERESTING QUESTION SIR

“Punish them.” She took his hands, her expression fierce. “Punish all three of them. Convince Valerian he’d like tormenting the mortals. Force Locke to play along. Make them all suffer.”

ofc it was ur idea you little #@$?!%

It wasn’t until he was glaring down at Jude, standing waist-deep in river water, fighting the current, that he realized he was in trouble.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Valerian, Nicasia, and even Locke jeered from the bank.

this why two of you dead nicasia UR NEXT it’s on sight

He would have very much liked it if she begged.

😟😳

He was the one who backed down.

hahaahahah loser

And all through that night and for many nights after, he couldn’t rid his thoughts of her.

😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

But every night, Jude haunted him. The coils of her hair. The calluses on her fingers. An absent bite of her lip. It was too much, the way he thought about her. He knew it was too much, but he couldn’t stop. It disgusted him that he couldn’t stop.

omg stop making me all smiley and giggly rn 🫣🤭🤭🤭🤭

To kneel before him and plead for his royal mercy.

ok so he wants to be dominant

You choose a path without being certain where it leads.

“Who doesn’t want to control fate?” Cardan answered, setting his coin to spinning again.

real shit

Vivi and Heather take them out for bubble tea.

omg i would love some boba rn

Then he eats a bite of the half-dozen types of dumplings they order—

my stomach just growled omfg

Jude stabs the remainder of the bean bun with a single chopstick, popping it into her mouth and chewing with obvious satisfaction.

bbg…

Cardan lies on the rug with one arm propping up his head and the other slung across Jude’s waist.

guys i’m climbing walls rn AHHHHHH THIS IS SO CUTE

Oak gave up his room so they could sleep there,

well. let’s hope they behave

Cardan cannot mind when he takes Jude in his arms.

i am screeching 😆💞💝❣️💘💕💗💖

She knows most of that already. Then he considers reminding her that the fancy palace is now as much hers as his.

this is so stinkin cute i’m gonna explode 🤭😜😆💕💘💖❣️💝💞💗

“Why didn’t you hate everyone?” he asks. “Everyone, all the time.” “I hated you,” Jude reassures him, bringing her mouth to his.

[runs and screams in the distance]

but it’s insulting to think those two would keep Bryern safe from the High King and Queen of Elfhame.

POWER COUPLEEEEE

And somehow he finds that to be the thing that annoys him most of all, that they thought he wouldn’t be bothered to come, that he would leave this to Jude.

🤭🤭🤭

His queen is dressed in mortal clothing, jeans and what they call a hoodie, her thumbs through holes at the wrists.

HIS. QUEEN.

“Which Court?” Cardan interrupts, hoping to keep Jude from immediately volunteering to fight something.

he knows her too well i’m gonna cry

She gives him a look that Cardan would not enjoy having leveled in his direction.

💀💀💀

“Stuff it, Ladhar,” Jude says with a roll of her eyes. “Okay, we’re on it. Don’t say the High Court never did anything for you.”

sassy jude >>

Marriage means sharing each other’s interests, and since his wife’s run toward strategy and murder, he’s used to her throwing herself at absolutely everything that crosses her path. If she isn’t doing that now, there’s a reason.

🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣

Oak looks up sleepily from the couch he’s been exiled to, but upon seeing Cardan, he turns over, kicking the blankets off his feet and burrowing deeper into the cushions.

LMFAO

strapped Jude’s sword across his shoulders,

🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦

he quickly realizes it has no street signs and assumes a level of familiarity with the area that Cardan doesn’t possess.

there’s a reason why he gave the map to jude and not you bro

“If you’re looking for interesting spots in the area, I wrote this myself and am my own publisher, too. A Guide to the Secret Places of Portland, Maine.”

#shamelessselfpromo

Apparently, a trail once ran straight through the center of the woods, but rangers closed it after three joggers went missing.

omg the bones…

Along the forest floor, Cardan spots discarded clothing.

[the audience gasps in horror] THE BONES

You never struck me as caring much for humans—until you took one for your bride.

hyuck hyuck 🤭🫣😆💕💞 YEAH HE DID

What he doesn’t say is that he’s brought it to slow Jude, lest she wake early and misread this situation.

i’m sure she’ll be pissed off, no?

Cardan crosses to it. Three steps and the ground gives way beneath him.

bbbrrRRROOOOOOOO

Jude wouldn’t have made a mistake like this, he is dead certain.

next time leave it to jude ok 😙😙😙

If he gets himself killed like this, she is never going to let him live it down.

you damn right

He takes a deep breath. “Let me tell you a story.”

bruh

“You don’t think monster girls and wicked boys deserve love?” Cardan asks her, his own heart kicking up a beat as he notes how few stars are visible.

🥹🥲💕💝❣️💖💘💗💞

All because he took a chance.”

#jurdan4lyfe

“And you think it was sunrise I was waiting for and not my queen. Do you not hear her footfalls? She has never quite managed the trick of hiding them as well as one of the Folk. Surely you’ve heard of her, Jude Duarte, who defeated the redcap Grima Mog, who brought the Court of Teeth to their knees? She’s forever getting me out of scrapes. Truly, I don’t know what I would do without her.”

SHES FOREVER GETTING ME OUT OF SCRAPES. TRULY I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HER. [explodes]

He doesn’t hesitate. He slams the rusted legs into her stomach, sending her sprawling backward into the pit.

HELL YEAHHHHHH

Cardan lets himself fall back on the grass. He lies there for a long, dizzy moment, until he hears the tinkling of the leaves on Jude’s armor. He looks up to see her running toward him.

jude to the rescue babyyyyyy

Her fingers are cold against his flushed skin. It’s nice. He hopes she won’t take them away.

boy if you don’t

“I think you have iron poisoning,” she tells him, which could possibly be true but is still a hurtful thing to say when he is making perfect sense.

LMFAO

“You didn’t hear the story I told,” he goes on. “A shame. It featured a handsome boy with a heart of stone and a natural aptitude for villainy. Everything you could like.” She laughs. “You really are terrible, you know that? I don’t even understand why the things you say make me smile.” He lets himself lean against her, lets himself hear the warmth in her voice. “There is one thing I did like about playing the hero. The only good bit. And that was not having to be terrified for you.”

my heart 🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭