Is This Anything?

by Jerry Seinfeld

Is there any similarity between email and whatever the hell is going on in the Postal Service? One is a digital, fiber optic, hyperspeed network. The other is this dazed and confused distant branch of the Cub Scouts, bumbling around the streets in embarrassing shorts and jackets with meaningless patches and victory medals. Driving 4 miles an hour, 20 feet at a time on the wrong side of a mentally-challenged Jeep. They always have this emotional/financial meltdown every 3 to 5 years, that their business model from 1630 isn’t working anymore. I can’t understand how a 21st century information system based on licking, walking and a random number of pennies is struggling to compete. Makes no sense. They always push the postmaster general out on TV to explain their difficulties. He’s all freaked out. Rings under his eyes, no shave, pulling all-nighters. “We can’t keep it up much longer!! The cost of the infrastructure is killing us! Looks like we’re going to have to go up another penny on the stamps!!” We’re all sitting home, “Dude, relax. We don’t even know how much a stamp is anyway. 44, 53, 62 Make it a buck. You’re going to get there. If it ends up you have some money left over, buy yourself some pants and a real car.” I would say to the post office, “If you really wanted to be helpful to us, just open the letters. Read them. AND EMAIL US WHAT IT SAYS. We’ll give you a penny for each one you do. Since that seems to be a lot of money, in Your World.”