Is This Anything?

by Jerry Seinfeld

Married/Single The other problem I have being married, is I can no longer pretend to be interested in the dating problems of my single friends. “You called some girl, she didn’t call you back… I don’t care.” “Can’t seem to meet the right person? Change your entire personality.” When I was single I had married friends. I would not visit their homes. I found their lives to be pathetic and depressing. Now that I’m married, I have no single friends. I find their lives to be meaningless and trivial experiences. In both cases, I believe I was correct. Whichever side of marriage you’re on You don’t get what the other people are doing. I can’t hang out with single guys. If you don’t have a wife, we have nothing to talk about. You have a girlfriend? That’s Wiffle ball, my friend. You’re playing Paintball War. I’m in Afghanistan with real loaded weapons. Married guys play with full clips and live rounds. “This is not a drill.” Single guy is sitting on a merry-go-round, blowing on a pinwheel. I’m driving a truckful of nitro down a dirt road. You single guys here tonight, looking at me… “Hey, Jerry, what if I want to be a married guy like you? What do I got to have if I want to be a married guy?” I’ll tell you what you got to have. You better have some answers, buddy… You better have some answers for that woman. Women have a lot of questions. Their brains are strong. Active. And on high alert at all times. You’re sleeping, she’s researching. (flipping book pages quickly) The female br...