Is This Anything?

by Jerry Seinfeld

Dual Zone Climate Control You are not alone in marriage. Society, culture, technology even is helping you on your journey. For example, in your car, dual zone separate buttons on each side climate control systems. Gee, I wonder if it was a married person that thought of that? Thought this could possibly come in handy, if you are with a certain person that you are perchance legally bound to for the rest of your life, and you need them to shut the hell up about the temperature. “I’m freezing. I’m roasting. I’m boiling. It’s blowing on me.” When my wife says, “The air is on me.” It’s the equivalent of a normal person saying, “A bear is on me.” That is the emergency level we are at. And I respond at that level too. “Oh my god, an evil breeze from a hostile vent is attacking my mate and life partner. Who, incidentally, bore me three children without anesthesia. Probably could have caught the babies herself if no one else was around… But cannot survive a waft of air, three degrees off her optimum desired temperature.” And I’m sure this stupid Dual Zone thing totally works too. To keep different-temperature air molecules from co-mingling Inside a three-foot-wide closed compartment of an automobile. Because when I go to my coffee place in the morning, I like to get my coffee black on the left side of the cup, cream and sugar on the right. And that’s no problem, they can do that. Or you go to a fancy restaurant, they ask you, “Do you want still or sparkling water?” I say, “Both. Sa...