Is This Anything?

by Jerry Seinfeld

I still can’t believe that every single day of my life I see people picking up their dog’s defecation with their hands. Every day of my life. The confidence they have in that Glad sandwich bag. Where does that come from? What do we know about the Glad sandwich bag? It locks in freshness? Which, I would think, is the last thing you want to do with a big steaming pile anyway. I don’t know how human beings make these mental leaps. “Glad keeps a sandwich fresh, I’ll pick up feces with it.” I hate just as much, before the event when I see them walking their dog, and my eye goes right to that suspicious little tuft of plastic or paper clutched in their other hand. and I know exactly what’s going to happen… If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them takes a crap, and the other one’s carrying it for him… Who would you assume is in charge of that society?