Is This Anything?

by Jerry Seinfeld

So, when they come up with these things like the camera in the cell phone do they ever go, “Hey, before we put this out to every human being all over the world… Are you sure this is a good idea?” “Of course, it’s a good idea. What do you mean?” “I don’t know… I was just wondering… You don’t think there’s any chance that this one feature all by itself, could result in so many useless pictures, video, posting, liking, not liking, comments and clapbacks that the entire essential life force of the human race just drains out like a puddle of piss by the side of the road and we never accomplish anything significant ever again? You don’t think there’s any chance of that, do you?” “No, I do not. Nor do I think that every restaurant dinner will end with some picture bully going, ‘Okay, everyone. Picture. Need a picture. Got to get a picture.’ ” “Why? We didn’t have a good time. I don’t want to remember this.” And let’s make sure we get the least phone-fluent person in the area to take the picture. Someone old, nervous, clumsy, confused or dim-witted. Someone whose fingers do not receive or respond well to brain commands. Can’t hold things, see things, aim things, press things. Someone who, the second they’re handed the phone it somehow slips off camera function, and they can’t get it back. “Hold on… Wait… Can somebody get it back on the camera? I don’t know… how to…” Let’s get them. So we can be standing here even longer with fake frozen smiles and your arm around someone you would...