Eventually, here’s what I had to ask myself: Am I processing life through the lens of the way I want it to be or the way it actually is? Coping mechanisms, like being overly positive or hyperspiritual or using substances to numb out, may get us through the short term. But in the long run they don’t help us cope; they keep us stuck at the point of our unhealed pain. At some point we must stop: •Replaying what happened over and over. •Taking what was actually terrible in the past and tricking ourselves into thinking it was better than it was. •Imagining the way things should be so much that we
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