Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again

by Lysa TerKeurst

I’m better able to discern what the feeling is and what to do with it. I have a series of questions that help me sort through it. For example, if a wave of sadness hits me when I see a picture from our hard season, I’ll try and sort through what is true and what is not true about this picture. I’ll give myself a few moments to grieve what was lost. I’ll watch for any feelings of fear this might stir up. Is this leftover fear from that season, or is there something I need to pay attention to for today? I’ll also gauge my sentiment toward this person on a scale from “Good” to “Neutral” to “Frustrated” to “Hurt” to “Angry” to “Wishing for retaliation.” I’ll discern if I need to process out loud with someone or just work through this in my own journal. I’ll then remember that the hurt they caused was most likely from hurt they carried. It doesn’t justify their actions, but it does help me have compassion for the hurt they have surely suffered. I don’t have to know any of the details of what happened in their past. I can just let that realization shift my thoughts from what they did to how they must have hurt. And in that compassion I find a commonality that we are both humans trying to find our way. We will talk more about the important role compassion and commonality play in the forgiveness process later in this book.