Forgiving What You Can't Forget: Discover How to Move On, Make Peace with Painful Memories, and Create a Life That’s Beautiful Again

by Lysa TerKeurst

instead of keeping away the few who shouldn’t be trusted, choked the life out of everyone who got close to me.

I fear the offense will be repeated. •Hanging on to a grudge gives me a sense of control in a situation that’s felt so unfair.

We can’t live in an alternate reality and expect what’s right in front of us to get better. We can only heal what we’re willing to acknowledge is real.

Unresolved pain triggers unrestrained chaos.

I want my reality to stop being defined by the hopeless pursuit of rewriting yesterday. I want to accept what happened—without letting it steal all my future possibilities—and learn to move on.

What we look for is what we will see. What we see determines our perspective. And our perspective becomes our reality.

Those things that happen in our lives don’t just tell a story. They inform us of the story we tell ourselves. If we listen carefully, woven throughout our narratives is a belief system that formed inside of us as children.

But we also gain even more vulnerability as a result of increased self-awareness. It becomes hard to pretend with others when we can no longer pretend with ourselves.

He’s so much more than the mistakes he’s made. He’s the very breath of God—so very acceptable. And when I look at him like that, his real identity emerges. This doesn’t deny the issues we both still need to work on. But it does shift the foundation from shame to the hope we have in Christ.

It’s not because her past changed. It’s because what she now believes is possible for her has changed.

Basically, files of proof left unattended turn into grudges and resentments that weigh us down and skew our perspectives. When

Though you believe it’s protecting you and making your world better, it’s ugly and sharp. And nothing about it is healing your heart.

If the other person doesn’t personally pursue it, they’ll never be able to keep choosing better behaviors for themselves.

it isn’t to keep the other person away; it’s to help keep yourself together.

“Hope is the melody of the future. Faith is dancing to that melody right now.”

Bitterness isn’t an indication of limited potential in relationships. Usually the bitter heart is the heart with the greatest ability to love deeply. But when you love deeply, you are at the greatest risk of being hurt deeply.

You soften the hardness out. And as the softening breaks up the hard ground, you then mix in perspective. Perspective is the best fertilizer there is.

Maturity is the evidence that a person allowed the hard stuff to work for them rather than against them.