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“I forgive Art for keeping secrets. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.”
“I forgive Art for betraying my trust. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.”
one huge mess that felt way too big to forgive.
I only needed to bring my willingness to forgive, not the fullness of all my restored feelings.
years for my feelings to be sorted out and healed . . . but the decision of forgiveness didn’t have to wait on all of that.
Progress is hard to see when triggered feelings make our vision clouded with intense emotions.
Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. You make the decision to forgive the facts of what happened. But then you must also walk through the process of forgiveness for the impact those facts have had on you.
Every trauma has an initial effect and a long-term impact.
Even after you forgive the other driver for the fact of what happened, there will be constant reminders that trigger ongoing emotional responses.
Not everything goes away
Anger rises up inside of you with such force that it almost demands you do something to right the scales of justice.
your leg no longer works like it used to before the accident.
When triggers occur, the day of the original trauma will feel extremely present all over again.
The decision to forgive doesn’t fix all the damaged emotions. It doesn’t automatically remove the anger, frustration, doubt, damaged trust, or fear.
I forgive her for the anxiety this keeps stirring up in my heart and for making me less able to trust other friends.”
“And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover. Amen.”
But the process of working through all the emotions from the impact of what happened will likely happen over time.
we are both humans trying to find our way.
“I forgive this person for how their actions back then are still impacting me now. And whatever my feelings don’t yet allow for, the blood of Jesus will surely cover.”
She was my person, and I was hers.
The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie. I wanted something I knew should be possible.
In essence, we all became what we feared. Mean kids. And if you didn’t want to be mean at first, it only took a few days of being targeted to conform, for the sake of survival, into an exact replica of the kids you disliked the very most.
Eventually, I discovered there was one way not to join in the meanness and still escape being targeted—by going silent and blending in to the point of basically disappearing. No words. No emotion. No telling. No closeness. No expressions whatsoever.
Even when I do everything I know to do to make things better . . . sometimes things don’t get better. Some relationships don’t survive in the long run. Sometimes we never really know why.
Me not forgiving the people who hurt me was agreeing to bring the hurt they caused into every present-day situation I was in—hurting me over and over and over again. Holding on to this hurt wasn’t diminishing my pain. It was multiplying it. And it was manipulating me to become someone I didn’t want to be. So, instead of making anything right, it was just making everything even more wrong—me, them, the whole situation.
Have one better thought. •Have one better reaction. •Have one better way to process. •Have one better conversation. •Have one boundary you lovingly communicate and consistently keep. •Have one better choice not to reach for that substance to numb out. •Have one better heart pivot toward forgiveness instead of resentment. •Have one less day when you stay mad. •Have one less hour when you refuse grace.
So you must make the decision that their offense will not define you or confine you by the smallness of BITTERNESS.
