The Fatal Flying Affair (A Lady Hardcastle Mystery, #7)

by T.E. Kinsey

‘I’ve always been very keen on the idea of keeping my money in my account for as long as possible. What terms can you offer me?’

I carry my own legs with me everywhere and removing yours in the dark will be messy and inconvenient.’

The only thing we can predict with one hundred per cent confidence is that the lump of meat in the pilot seat will behave like an idiot at some point.

‘But I need to go and sort something out first. Someone left our front door wide open.’

Dawn broke on Thursday morning long before sensible people ought to be awake. For reasons known only to my own wilful brain I had woken not long afterwards. I had nothing to worry about – my life was calm and peaceful for the most part – but my beloved brain had decided that a life free of anxiety was a life wasted. To induce what it clearly considered to be the appropriate levels of dread and discomfort, it had trawled through recent events looking for something to fret over. Having found nothing, it had decided to catalogue every mistake I had ever made and every embarrassment I had ever suffered. In chronological order. That did the trick. Well done, brain.

‘You really are rather scary.

why hadn’t I done this at dawn that morning when I found myself unable to sleep? That was going to irritate me all night.

And look there – that’s what farmers look like when they’re not shaking their fists at us.’ She harrumphed. ‘Grandma,’ she said. ‘Hooligan.’

By the time we all retired for the night, I was quite a bit richer and the Featherstonhaughs were plotting my assassination.

‘We are – we inherited it from Mother’s side of the family. It used to drive Father batty. He’d be raring to go on whatever trip or adventure he’d planned. Meanwhile she’d still be in bed and Nanny would be trying to stuff us into our clothes while we were still half asleep.’

battling against Nature to keep them alive.’

Gardening isn’t working with Nature, it’s a constant struggle against it.’

He’ll have a fight on his hands if he tries to start a war with Britain – it’ll never occur to us that we’re not entitled to win by divine right.’

feel she needs a bad influence.’ ‘Aunt Emily can certainly provide that,’ I said. ‘What can I provide?’ asked Lady Hardcastle. ‘Great Scott!’ said Harry. ‘You frightened the life out of me. Where did you come from?’ ‘I’m not entirely certain,’ she said. ‘Mother was always a little vague on the subject.

‘I never nearly shoot people, dear,’ said Lady Hardcastle. ‘They’re either shot or not shot. You were not shot.’ ‘The nightmares haunt me nonetheless,’

and how making an arrest – “Any old arrest,” he said – would shut his superiors up for a bit.’

‘What have you been plotting in there with your pal?’ ‘My escape,’ I said.

I still have time to get a spangly leotard.’ ‘That’s an image that will haunt my nightmares,’ said Harry. ‘Do make sure she never appears in public in a leotard, Strongarm, spangly or otherwise.’ ‘It’s all under control,’ I said. ‘Have no fear.’ Lady Hardcastle harrumphed. ‘I’ll have my moment of glamour, you killjoy curmudgeons. You just wait.’

He wasn’t delighted about being pushed back to work, but his sister patted his head and told him he was a brave boy, and we left him to it.

not good enough to fool the sinister government officials when they took a look for themselves.’

‘A conversation with you is just a box of parts we have to assemble for ourselves, isn’t it?’ she said.

‘She’s one of our best,’ said Harry. ‘Oi!’ Lady Hardcastle was affronted. ‘I did say, “One of our best”, sis. You’re one of our best, too.’ He was a pace or two behind his sister. With a wink and a grin he shook his head and pointed at me. ‘She’s the best one,’ he mouthed silently. The inspector and I both laughed.

We overtook the police car and I saw Lady Hardcastle leaning out of the window, clutching her hat and waving like a maniac. I couldn’t see it from that distance, but I could imagine the grin on her face.

Of course it was cows. Stupid man.

‘I feel terrible now,’ I said. ‘I joked about burning the place down last weekend.’ Harry chuckled. ‘To get out of doing the show?’

‘We’re not quorate,’ said the ruddy-faced farmer. ‘Very well,’ she said. ‘All in favour of reducing the quorum under these exceptional circumstances, and sacking Mr Higgins from the committee, say, “Aye.”’ There was a chorus of ‘Aye’s and one, ‘Well, of all the—’ ‘Motion carried. Thank you for your service, Mr Higgins. Now . . . moving the show?’ Another chorus of ‘Aye’s and one, ‘To the devil with the lot of you.’ The motion was carried and Mr Higgins stalked off.

‘Another splendid point,’ she said. ‘You really ought to be on the committee, you know. A seat has recently become vacant.’ She grinned.