The Fatal Flying Affair (A Lady Hardcastle Mystery, #7)

by T.E. Kinsey

‘I’d like plants and flowers that attract bees and butterflies. I want undergrowth for mice. A pond, perhaps, for frogs. Oh, and newts. I want to wake up in the morning and find that moles and badgers have dug up the grass and not care about it because it’s not a croquet lawn. I want somewhere I can sit with a cup of tea and be at one with nature.’

Oh, I know – you could do your knife-throwing act.’ I laughed. ‘With you as my glamorous assistant, standing in front of the target in a sequinned leotard?’ ‘Oh, I like the idea of that. The death-defying knife skills of the Great Coltellina and her fearless assistant . . . What would my name be?’ ‘Oh, I never name my assistants,’ I said. ‘Dangerous job, knife-thrower’s assistant. I get through so many – it doesn’t do to get too attached to them.’ ‘Very wise, very wise.’

I’d been working for Lady Hardcastle since 1894. Seventeen years. Half my life. I’d officially served as her ‘lady’s maid’ for those seventeen years, but my role for most of that time had been more that of an aide-de-camp and general right-hand woman who also did a bit of mending.

When your best friend and close colleague is a loud and outgoing maelstrom of social exuberance, it pays to be the unseen one, quietly getting things done in the background.

I actually liked looking after her. I could have found a thousand ways to fill my days, but I took genuine pleasure in mending her dresses, arranging her hair and nagging her to tidy her studio in the orangery.

Aww

‘How do you want me dressed today?’ I said as Lady Hardcastle and I ate breakfast in the morning room the next day. ‘Humble maid or girl about town?’ ‘I think if we’re going to play the “dizzy widow buying an aeroplane for her maid to pilot for her” card, you’ll need to be recognizably maidly, dear. Sorry.’

I surly do love these two!

‘would you be an absolute poppet and nip up to the attic for the crime board?

Why oh why do they keep putting this thing in the attic? Poor Flo just has to lug it back downstairs time after time

‘I’ll tell him, dear. There’s less room for misunderstanding that way. Asking lacks urgency and gives the mistaken impression that compliance with the request might be optional.’

Nothing draws unwanted attention quicker than someone endlessly checking that they’re unobserved.

Yes!

mindful of the need not to draw attention to myself by behaving like I was trying not to draw attention to myself.

I’ve managed to persuade Mr Herbert to take you up. You absolutely have to try it, Flo, dear, you really do.’

She is so sweet and thoughtful toward Flo. Even in the middle of her excitement she thought of Flo to experience it also.

‘He offered – there are controls in both whatnots . . . cockpits . . . but I declined. I wanted you to have the first go at that.’

Awww!

I told him he was an arrogant, ill-mannered oaf, but not out loud so I don’t expect he heard me.’

If he endangers my tiny servant again he’ll wake up on a mortuary slab with important bits missing. And if he’s glib about it as well . . . I mean, really.

There were cows. On the village green. This, as has been well documented already, is one of my worst nightmares. I have no idea where my distrust of our bovine friends came from, but they give me the willies. And they were on the green. Loose. ‘There are cows on the green,’ I said.

‘I’ll get this lot tidied away and we can stroll into the village,’ I said. ‘I’ll help. Many hands spoil the gift horse’s broth, as they say.’ ‘Do they? Do they really say that? Oh, don’t just chuck your eggshell on the grass.’ She grinned as she picked it up. ‘You can’t take me anywhere.’ ‘Just put it on this plate here. You can bring the glasses and the wine.’

The sights, the sounds, the smells – there’s little in the world to beat the pleasure of an English summer’s morning.

Unidentified birds were singing, unidentified plants were blooming, the sun – I could identify the sun – was shining.

‘Miss Jones was on the telephone talking to the butcher, and of Edna there was no sign. I was left to find you unaided.’ ‘You poor old thing. But you prevailed, despite the loneliness of your task. Here I am.’

I’m very much of the opinion that if you’re going to show off, you might as well do it properly. Without any of my earlier feigned clumsiness, I nocked, drew and shot in one smooth motion. I turned away from the target to face Sir Hector while the arrow was still in flight. ‘Will that do you?’ I said, a second before we heard the thunk.

I love this woman!

‘Seventy-three,’ I said as we drew level with the corner of the building. ‘I made it sixty-five,’ said Lady Hardcastle. ‘And my stride is exactly one yard.’ ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘So if you can just lend me your legs the night we do this, I’ll know exactly how far sixty-five yards is. On the other hand, why don’t we call it seventy-three Flosteps? I carry my own legs with me everywhere and removing yours in the dark will be messy and inconvenient.’