The Midnight Library

by Matt Haig

‘Between life and death there is a library,’ she said. ‘And within that library, the shelves go on for ever. Every book provides a chance to try another life you could have lived. To see how things would be if you had made other choices . . . Would you have done anything different, if you had the chance to undo your regrets?’

I always feel a little in awe when an author creates a paragraph like this. It’s just a handful of sentences strung together and yet...I feel this bone-deep pull to the story. This fierce and all-encompassing desire to read this book as fast as humanly possible and to savor every sentence.

‘I don’t think your problem was stage fright. Or wedding fright. I think your problem was life fright.’

Life Fright. I don’t think I’ve ever heard it phrased like that before but it fits so well. Feeling paralyzed by choices, that growing sense of dread and when push comes to shove, backing away from the situation entirely. And I think I’ve felt the pull of life fright after every graduation (Elementary, middle, high, undergrad) - there’s comfort in staying within your bubble and anxiety in reaching outside of it. I’m poised for my (hopefully) final graduation in May and I feel equal parts excitement and dread. I cannot wait to earn my PhD but at the same time, there’s the unknown looming right around the corner.

Dear Whoever, I had all the chances to make something of my life, and I blew every one of them. Through my own carelessness and misfortune, the world has retreated from me, and so now it makes perfect sense that I should retreat from the world. If I felt it was possible to stay, I would. But I don’t. And so I can’t. I make life worse for people. I have nothing to give. I’m sorry. Be kind to each other. Bye, Nora

If this didn’t just break my heart...all I want to do is reach through the pages and give her a hug. She's been through so much and I'm only 10% through the book.

‘While the Midnight Library stands, Nora, you will be preserved from death. Now, you have to decide how you want to live.’

I really am loving this premise. The concept of investigating your regrets and being able to undo them has intrigued me for a while now. Thinking on my life, I definitely do have some regrets - what would my life be like if I didn't pursue a science degree? What if I was less reserved in high school? What if I actually DID travel around the world? But at the same time, the more I pick at my regrets - the less I would want to change them. All of my choices in my past has led me to where I am today - if I didn't go for my PhD, spend time at home with the family and stayed within the state - would I have met my husband? Joined Goodreads with my graduate friends? Gone to the shelter on the right weekend to adopt Squamish? There are too many things that I wouldn't want to change about my life.

‘What do I do now?’ ‘You open the book and turn to the first page.’

Love. Love. Love this quote. Someone needs to turn this into a coffee mug.

You looked after him as well as he could have been looked after. He loved you as much as you loved him, and maybe he didn’t want you to see him die. You see, cats know. They understand when their time is up. He went outside because he was going to die, and he knew it.’

Had to take a break here and give Squamish (my dog) a snuggle.

‘Never underestimate the big importance of small things,’

The older I get, the more I try to live by this philosophy. It’s the little things that last the longest. Calling my mom. Sending holiday cards to my book club. Surprising my husband with cinnamon raisin bread. Giving belly rubs to my pupper. Swapping recipes with Grandma. You don’t always know when the little things become big ones.

She was, it seemed, having an adventure.

Am I the only one who got Hobbit vibes from this sentence? Oh gosh. Now I want to reread the Hobbit for the millionth time.

TAKE ME BACK! I DON’T WANT ADVENTURE! WHERE’S THE LIBRARY?! I WANT THE LIBRARY!’

I agree with this on a deep, personal level. Get me back to the library!!

She imagined accepting it all. The way she accepted nature. The way she accepted a glacier or a puffin or the breach of a whale. She imagined seeing herself as just another brilliant freak of nature.

The more I think about it, the more that I’m leaning towards this being the only true answer to the Midnight Library (at least for me). Jumping into different stories like Nora is doing provides perspective on life but I cannot possibly see how it would work long-term - cause she'll have to live a significant portion of the other-Nora's life without critical knowledge (Olympics, research scientist, etc). I think she eventually "gains back" that knowledge, but she'd still have to fake it for a while and I feel like that would be miserable. But also...I feel like there'd be guilt. At "taking over" the other-Nora's life and erasing her from existence. I mean, they are all the same Nora but I know if there was a parallel-dimension-me out there, that I wouldn't want to allow them into my life. Maybe I'm thinking too much on this one :P

She realised, in that moment, that she was capable of a lot more than she had known.

My heart is soaring for Nora. I am literally white-knuckle-gripping my kindle. You can do it Nora!!

To the winter forest And nowhere to go This girl runs From all she knows

Normally I’m not one for poetry or lyrics in books. But this one? Chills. I desperately need someone to turn this into a song. The highlight looks a little funky cause the lyrics are missing the spacing, but definitely check it out in the book!

Because a pawn is never just a pawn. A pawn is a queen-in-waiting. All you need to do is find a way to keep moving forward. One square after another. And you can get to the other side and unlock all kinds of power.’

Two things here: 1) A pawn is a queen in waiting. I love the power in that statement and the outlook on life that it entails. 2) This reminds me I need to read The Queen’s Gambit. My copy from the library came in a few days ago.

She had joined the movie halfway. She had taken the book from the library, but truthfully, she didn’t own it.

Ahhh! See!! This was exactly what I was saying. The other-Noras aren't just characters-on-a-page, they are real people with real lives. And as she's surfing through them, she's also living with the knowledge that she'd be taking their lives. I'm really curious - is it just me who is interpreting it this way? What are other people's thoughts on this?

Three simple words containing the power and potential of a multiverse. I AM ALIVE.

This scene struck a chord with me. Her desperation, the way she cried out. It was incredible. I could not tear my eyes away for a moment.

And Nora smiled as she stared at all the pieces she still had left in play, thinking about her next move.

All I want is one more chapter, one more page to see how Nora's life turns out but at the same time, I'm wholly satisfied about how the book ended. It's truly a mark of a fantastic book that I'm struggling on what to read next. I think I might have to take a day or two to think on this before starting something new.