A Tourist's Guide to Murder (Mystery Bookshop #6)

by V.M. Burns

Frank Patterson was five foot ten with a salt-and-pepper beard and hair that he wore cut short like most of the men I knew who used to work in the military.

The waitress hurried over and poured a cup of tea, which Nana Jo guzzled down like a skid row wino with a brand-new bottle of ripple.

Nothing soothes the savage beast better or faster than caffeine.

He sighed. “Look, I’ve been working a lot of ungodly hours, and I finally get a week of vacation, and all I get is, Can you take a look at this rash? Can you give me something for an upset stomach?” He huffed. “Doctors deserve time off too.”

Then don't announce yourself as a doctor... 🙃

Prudence pointed to Irma. “Your friend there has on high heels.” “Irma’s been wearing six-inch hooker heels since she hit puberty, and she could run a hundred-yard dash in those heels if she had to.” “Well, I never.”

Captain Jessup

He's a fraud

“M’lord, it’s Captain Jessup.” “What about him?” “He’s dead, m’lord.”

GOOD!!

Nana Jo smiled. “If you can’t beat them, make them feel guilty.”

“Detective Bradley Pitt of the North Harbor Police called you . . .” Nana Jo glared. “Go ahead, spit it out.” Templeton took out her cell phone. She swiped a few times until she found what she was looking for. “He called you, and I quote, ‘A bunch of nosey old broads who think they’re Nancy Drew and who like to meddle in things that don’t concern them.’” Nana Jo smacked her hand down on the table. “Why that dirty little pip-squeak.” “After everything we’ve done to help him,” Dorothy said. Templeton held up a hand to quell the outrage. “He also said, ‘Those old biddies have a knack for getting people to talk and a network that the FBI, CIA, and Interpol would envy. People trust them, so they tell them things they’d never say to the police.’” She looked up from her phone for a moment and then continued, “He said, ‘I’d stake my reputation that none of those women killed anyone, but if someone was foolish enough to commit a murder within twenty miles of them, there’s no way they’ll keep out of it.’” She glanced at me. “ ‘Samantha Washington is a pretty sharp cookie. If you need to sort things out, she’s the one to do it, but if you tell them I said it, I’ll deny every word.’ ”

Nelson gaped at Nana Jo, who smiled back and batted her eyelashes.

balderdash

tripe

“Violet Merriweather I understand, but the Wood sisters?” Lady Penelope said. “You can’t possibly believe those two old maids had anything to do with murdering Captain Jessup.”

I think the Wood Sisters did it

“I think we let fear of failure hold us back. We were waiting for . . . our ship to come in, the planets to be perfectly aligned, and for everything to fall in our laps.”