I Have Something to Tell You

by Chasten Glezman Buttigieg

“I’m so sorry to bug you guys,” she said. “It’s just—I’m the mother of two gay children and what you’re doing for this country and for them… I am just so proud of you and so happy you’re getting out there.”

As my partner, he had helped me feel safe and believe in myself—I thought he could do something similar for the rest of the country.

Political spouses are supposed to be everything and nothing at the same time, serving as the perfect supporter for the candidate by working nonstop without ever stealing the spotlight, messing things up, or getting in the way.

“There’s only one star,” as many political operatives will tell you when you work as a surrogate, and it’s not you. At the same time, the spouse plays a crucial role both in front of the cameras and behind the scenes.

was constantly reminded that Americans should be able to see themselves in the people tasked with representing them at the highest levels of government.

God-fearing Americans and good country boys were tough-as-nails, definitely straight, and Republicans, and good, God-fearing American country boys were the only kind of boys to be.

was growing up in a system designed to keep me from questioning them in the first place.

Your soul, your truth, your identity, your fears—they all follow you.

While traveling the country on behalf of the campaign, I met couples who had been together longer than I’ve been alive, tearful to see me in person as the husband of an openly gay man running for president.

She immediately reached her hand over and rested it on my forearm. I felt her rings pressing into my arm as I struggled to get any words out. “I know, Chassers,” she said. “And I love you just the same.”

One day, a customer at the drive-thru was giving a coworker such a hard time that she ripped off her headset, took off her apron, yelled “BITCH, I HAVE A PHD!” and walked off the job.

had no idea my life was going to be loveless and hard because men are terrible.

Domestic violence is a pervasive problem in the gay community that doesn’t get discussed often, and many gay kids don’t have the option to call their parents for support when something like this—or much worse—happens to them.

“Seeing the person you love walking a little lighter, knowing they’re cared for and going to be OK, is a far better feeling than having money,” he said.

My dad, being the magnificent fixer of all things guy he is, took his truck, borrowed a wheelbarrow and some shovels from a neighbor, picked up a load of gravel, and did it himself the day before the party.

Everyone says, “It gets better,” but to a lot of young people, that just sounds like bullshit when they’re living in a constant state of fear.

Part of the politician’s job is to make sure we show up and listen to people’s stories so we can bring those stories to Washington.

Campaigning requires carrying others’ pain and grief. Sometimes I would end the day with a feeling I could only describe as vulnerability fatigue. There was just nothing left to give. After touring Pulse, I met with a survivor of the Parkland school shooting, and after that meeting, I was needed at a few other scheduled campaign events.

It was hard, sometimes, to carry all those stories and experiences and keep a clear head, and to make sure that I was showing up emotionally for everyone I met or stood in front of. At times, it was all too overwhelming, and I’d start to forget to care for myself as well.