I had just quit the job I’d worked so hard to get, and it was as if I had no identity of my own—I was only the candidate’s husband, which itself was a vague, undefined role. First openly gay presidential candidate’s spouse: an objectively cool thing to be, but not one that came with a checklist. In those first months, I struggled to maintain a sense of myself, my priorities, and my history; I felt like half my personality was replaced with stress. There were so many things I could mess up—and I had no idea what they were! When I spoke to friends, they’d ask how I was, and I was only able to
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