Butterfly 3

by Ashley Antoinette

Her only crime was allowing others to lead her instead of following her heart.

His love language was protection. He guarded everything that meant something to him. Aria was an asset in his life; therefore, she had a shooter on her team. Before she even knew he would wage wars over her, it was already established.

The equivalent to reducing her to a loveless wife was reducing him to a lick.

“Morgan is the thing that led to these empty bottles, these tacky panties, and that sad look on your face, boy,” Marilyn said.

“Oh, I know it isn’t a big deal. I know you better than you know yourself. You’re moping around here because Morgan done hurt your feelings, and you trying to be tough, act like you the man and you can just replace her. You can deal with ten women after her, and it won’t make you want her less, Ahmeek. I’ve seen you with her. She brings out my little boy. Not the man you became too fast. You laugh with her. You smile with her. You’re better for her. Don’t run around tangling yourself up in temporary flings thinking it’s going to replace somebody that made you think about forever.”

“And she’s not ready for whoever she’s engaged to or to be what you’re ready for her to be,” Marilyn said. “She hasn’t lived. If you love her, you have to let her learn to use her wings. You might have to watch her love another. Might have to watch her lose another. Maybe she’ll contact you every now and then, maybe she won’t. You got to give that baby time to grow. If what I felt between the two of you is as potent as it seemed, she’ll come back to you one day. You can’t rush her transformation, son. Every man who has ever tried to do that to any woman has been left disappointed.”

He couldn’t guarantee he would wait. In fact, he was sure he wouldn’t. His pride wouldn’t let him, but his heart wouldn’t soon forget little Morgan. Loving her would be a nostalgia he craved for a while. Some women were simply irreplaceable.

“The amount of authority you think you have over these children is cute, Morgan Atkins. You’re soon to be a Fredrick. Mrs. Sebastian Fredrick. The power in that is leased. I own it. I own you. I own them. The sooner you realize that, the more you’ll begin to fit your new life. Use the name he’s giving you. Stop running back to that mediocre lifestyle you used to lead. When you’re ready, I’ll open the world to you. Until then, no medical school, no nothing. You’ll be a wife and mother and nothing else.”

I know you say you’re fine, but I don’t like that bitch Christiana. It’s something about her that I don’t trust, and it feels like there’s something you aren’t saying.”

The intuition of a woman was remarkable, but the intuition of a mother was God given.

“I don’t really know what you’re afraid of, Mo, but let me tell you something about me. I ain’t really afraid of shit, and I’ve been two seconds off Christiana’s ass since you introduced us. You don’t have to talk about it, that’s fine, but I’m not sending you back there until I know what’s wrong.”

Noah was best, so I fell back. You, you’re the worst type of nigga for her. You string her along and come and go as you please. You take advantage of feelings you know she hiding and do what you want with her body cuz you know she ain’t gon’ say no, then you make her watch while you love the next bitch. So nah, she ain’t yours. You put a baby in her and then disappeared for two years. Who the fuck you think was here making sure she made it through that clean? She buried a kid, man. A kid she should have never had cuz y’all just friends, remember?

“You’re all I got, Bleu,” Messiah said. He searched for answers in her eyes, but all he saw was confusion. “And somehow I’m not enough,” she said in disbelief,

“If you knew so much, we wouldn’t be here. We wouldn’t be saying goodbye. You don’t know shit with your stupid ass.”

“When you let go, I’m going to end up hurt, Messiah. How is this fair?” she asked.

“But you got a fiancé at home. We hit Hak, that’s her head in a bag on your doorstep. We want to move clean with this one. Just be patient. Once we back on track with Hak, the money gon’ triple. You got to trust me in this one.”

there were no guarantees when it came to affairs of the heart.

“They’re yours, Messiah,” she said. “I tried to tell you. I tried to call you a thousand times, but you just left. The twins. Messari and Yara. They’re yours. They’re ours.”

“It’s never too late to be a father, Messiah. It’s time to put away childish things. That rage you keep in your heart is dangerous. It’s no good for you, and it’s a danger to Mo, but this isn’t about either of you. It’s about these two babies in here. You got to be willing to do anything for them. Anything. Even put the aggression away. If you’re going to be here, you got to man the fuck up. Man up. You missed two years. What are you going to do with the rest of them? You can’t misstep with them. I gave you one pass. One. There won’t be another. You don’t pass down none of the pain Bookie caused you. I know what he did.”

His daughter didn’t like him. Hell, his son had put hands on him twice. Messiah ached to know them. He prayed that the two years that had passed weren’t irreversible.

“They don’t know him. What if they’re scared or crying? Messiah doesn’t know that Yolly is allergic to peanuts, he doesn’t know that Messari likes to sleep at the foot of the bed. They sleep with their ladybug night-light; he doesn’t have that. They need me, and he won’t even answer.”

“We could have been so good, you know? Like I think back, and I miss that feeling, that feeling of loving him without fearing him. I used to trust him so much. I used to wrap my arms around him on the back of his bike going a hundred down the highway in the rain and not have one worry, Ethic, because I knew he’d never let anything happen to me. And then he happened to me. He didn’t let anybody hurt me, but he hurt me. He was so close I never saw it coming, and the way I’ve held my breath since then, the way I haven’t really had a moment without aching inside since then—” Morgan paused. “I just want a love that doesn’t hurt.”

“But I’ve felt it. I’ve felt a love that didn’t hurt at all, and it was lovely. It was healing. It’s the feeling I wish he could give me. Ahmeek loved me without effort.”

“If he loved you that well, you would have chosen him,” Ethic said. “You never did. So he might love you. In fact, I believe that he does. I’ve seen him with you, with your kids. A man who loves on kids like that when they aren’t his can only have infinite love for their mother. So yeah, the nigga loves you, Mo, but how about you? You love him the same? Or you shortchanging that man so you can keep a little saved up for Messiah, cuz if that’s the case, you ain’t all the way right either.”

“Same as love. You can’t hate a man without loving him first. Hate is just disappointed love,

“You reach down in your soul and choose to love him regardless of his flaws and of the mistakes he’s made.”

“Only Messiah didn’t make mistakes. He made choices. He made clear choices, and that choice was never me. He never picks me.”

Don’t let anybody stop your dream, Morgan Atkins Ahmeek

don’t mean to,” she answered, her voice small. “I love this. I absolutely love you. I’m so sorry. For everything, Ahmeek.”

“What about the rest of us? Huh? We were here! You had his kids and acted like nobody else gave a fuck! Got that ho-ass nigga taking the credit! Fuck is wrong with you? You let me fall in love with Messiah’s kids! Fucking with you was already enough to burn that man! Now he got to think about me loving on kids he don’t even know? You dirty as fuck, Mo. This is fucking the lowest shit, man.” Ahmeek was sick to his stomach at the revelation. “We would have taken care of his kids. We thought he was dead, and you didn’t even let us see his seeds. You didn’t give us a chance. He been back and you ain’t gave him a chance to know his kids. What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you that selfish?”

“He almost killed me. Ahmeek. He sucks the air from my lungs and leaves me to die. And you wanted me to hand my babies off to him like it never happened. I couldn’t do that. I just couldn’t. I gave him my heart once before, and the way he tore it apart—” Morgan stopped and shook her head. “Yara and Ssari are living, breathing pieces of me. Of my heart. They are my heart. He doesn’t have a good track record of protecting my heart.”

“You can’t play with that man’s kids, Mo. The girl I love is better than this. You got to do better.”

It seemed like everyone was giving up on her, but Morgan knew she couldn’t fold. She had already been through too much to give up. She’d just have to figure out how to love herself a little extra now that neither Meek nor Messiah seemed to love her at all.

Shorty would rather let me think she a ho than be attached to me,”

“Her want to go home Meek. Me too!”

“Niggas who don’t respect themselves can’t ever respect you,