Better Small Talk: Talk to Anyone, Avoid Awkwardness, Generate Deep Conversations, and Make Real Friends

by Patrick King

The simple act of engaging people in short bursts has been shown to make us happier and more inclined to be social, and it will also help us mentally and psychologically warm up to be our best in conversations and small talk no matter the context.

We need to engage in more short interactions—or what researcher Steven Handel calls “ten-second relationships”—with others, because they have the potential to boost our moods, change our perspectives, and warm us up socially. It’s as though these interactions keep the social engagement engine running.

So make it a goal to initiate and create a ten-second interaction with a stranger each day, and especially on the way to functions, events, and parties. This will warm you up for conversation and build the habit of being interested in people.

The first, indirect method of breaking the ice is to ask people for objective information or a subjective opinion.

The second, indirect method of breaking the ice is to comment on something in the environment, context, or specific situation.

The third and final indirect method of breaking the ice is to comment on a commonality you both share.

How does this make the listener feel? People aren’t dumb. People can detect when you are engaged and interested in what they have to say, i.e. when you just want to talk at them, not with them.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”—Dale Carnegie