The Mental Toughness Handbook: A Step-By-Step Guide to Facing Life's Challenges, Managing Negative Emotions, and Overcoming Adversity with Courage and Poise

by Damon Zahariades

Trait #7: Practical Optimism

mental toughness is usually found in those who have a positive attitude. These individuals are optimistic about the future. To clarify, they’re not the ebullient type who remain cheerful as their world crumbles. Rather, they’re cautiously optimistic, seeing opportunities where others see only disaster and hopelessness. Mentally strong people are upbeat pragmatists. They protect their minds from negativity, refusing to dwell in it. Meanwhile, they remain confident in their abilities and sound judgment to make the best of every situation.

The Good News about Mental Toughness

No one is born mentally strong. It’s something eac...

the eight most common threats to your burgeoning psychological tenacity.

Enemy #1: Self-Pity

Feeling sorry for ourselves is exhausting. It takes a lot of energy. It also sabotages our resolve, making us more likely to resign ourselves to failure than persevere through difficult situations. We end up dwelling on our unfavorable circumstances rather than toughening our minds to see our way through them.

That affects our behavior. Instead of rolling up our sleeves and digging our heels in, we focus on the fact that everythin...

negativity, which prevents us from taking the necessary action to overcome ...

Enemy #2: Self-Doubt

It’s difficult to stay mentally strong in unfavorable situations when you lack confidence in your abilities and skills. But lack of ability and skill is rarely the main factor that determines whether you’ll fail or overcome your circumstances. The deciding factor is usually insecurity. Insecurity breeds inaction, which is a much larger threat to your success.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling self-doubt. Doing so is natural. It’s our brain’s way of both protecting us and pre...

The trouble begins when we allow self-doubt to possess such a foothold in our minds that it paralyzes us. All of our energy becomes focused on our perceived deficits that our insecurity incapacitates us.

Enemy #3: Your Inner Critic

Each of us has an inner critic. It’s the voice in our heads telling us that we’re not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough. It’s the nag that tries to convince us that we don’t deserve the success we seek. It finds fault in everything we do, and asserts that others will do the same.

Your inner critic may prove to be your most challenging adversary as you develop mental toughness. It will not only dwell on the negative aspects of your performance (both perceived and real), but it’ll try to get you to do the same. And once your mind is focused on negativity, your inner critic will have successfully distracted you from strengthening your resolve.

Becoming mentally strong requires silencing neg...

Enemy #4: Fear

Fear comes in a lot of flavors. We fear disappointing others. We fear not meeting their expectations. We fear not meeting our own expectations. We fear failure. We fear success. We fear the unfamiliar and unknown.

Regardless of its form, fear sabotages our psychological resilience. It erodes our resolve, releases unhealthy emotions, and causes us to focus on potentially negative outcomes. We free...

Fear distorts reality. It implies that catastrophe and ruination are certain to follow our performance. If we allow fear to gain a foothold in our minds, we end up feeling defeated before we’ve even taken action. The truth is, the odds of catastrophe resulting from whatever...

Fear takes every potentially negative outcome and amp...

Fear is an emotion that opposes the development of mental toughness. Once the latter develops, fear is rendered powerless.

Enemy #5: Laziness

There’s nothing wrong with feeling lazy. Nor is there anything wrong with taking the opportunity to relax. We must do so on a regular basis. The alternative is burnout. And burnout is a much greater threat to your performance and productivity than bouts of laziness. Having ...

Enemy #6: Perfectionism

Most of us are willing to admit that we’re not perfect. But for some of us, the idea of being less than perfect is anathema to our sensibilities. We’re unable to accept it. So we struggle to be perfect in everything we do, partly to satisfy our own expectations and partly to avoid disappointing others’ expectations.

The problem is, perfectionism is the scourge of mental toughness. Nothing breeds inaction and erodes cognitive resilience as completely as the nagging thought that any performance that’s less than perfect is unacceptable. This self-harassment breeds self-doubt and gives center stage to your inner critic.

Enemy #7: Emot...

Our emotions can be our best ally or our worst adversary. Sometimes, we experience joy, hope, love, and inspiration. These positive emotions can make us feel confidence, content, and optimistic about the future. Other times, we experience anger, sadness, and jealousy. These negative emotions can ...

negative emotions aren’t a problem in and of themselves. They’re a natural part of our psyches. Experiencing them does not preclude...

The true issue stems from an inability to control these emotions. When we lose control of them, we can too easily bec...

Enemy #8: Self-Limiting Beliefs

Each of us possesses a unique set of strengths and weaknesses. Each of us also possesses a set of beliefs regarding our abilities. These beliefs are often out of alignment with reality; we presume personal deficits where none exist. When this happens, our beliefs hamper our ability to take purposeful action toward our goals. In short, they limit us.

The problem with self-limiting beliefs is that they sabotage us before we get started. They convince us that we’re not prepared to achieve what we’re trying to accomplish. Unless we overcome these uncharitable thoughts about ourselves, we’ll never persist when we encounter hardship and pressure. Consequently, we’ll inadvertently inhibit our personal growth and fail to reach our potential.

This isn’t merely about mental stamina. Nor is it just about persistence. It’s about developing the cognitive mettle to press forward when things fail to go according to your plans. That requires courage, self-confidence, and mental fortitude.

Facing setbacks and overcoming challenges, and doing so with composure and grace under pressure, is a learned skill.

Our emotions play a vital role in how we face challenges and setbacks. Our ability to function effectively when everything around us is going awry is closely linked to how we process our emotions. If we’re unable to control them, our capability to perform under pressure suffers. If we are able to exert control, handling mistakes and distress becomes much easier. This is referred to as our emotional intelligence. It’s our ability to understand and manage our emotions in a way that allows us to perform effectively. Rather than stifling our feelings in order to toughen our minds against adversity, we should aim to do the opposite. We should try to recognize how we feel whenever we encounter challenges so we can learn to control our fear, manage our stress, and respond with purpose and determination.

We must know what we feel deep down to become mentally strong. We need to be acutely aware of our thoughts, beliefs, and convictions. We must clarify our values so that our responses to unfavorable circumstances are purposeful. Becoming mentally strong doesn’t require that we detach ourselves from our emotions. On the contrary, we should embrace them. That’s the only way to truly master them. By acknowledging our fear, frustration, and other negative emotions when things go wrong, we’re able to evaluate them, determine their veracity, and regulate the ones that are unrealistic. Increasing our self-awareness is the first step toward achieving emotional mastery.

Being empathetic means putting yourself into another person’s shoes and acknowledging their emotions in light of their circumstances. You’re able to comprehend their thoughts and feelings in that moment. Although empathy is focused on understanding others, it’s an essential skill to building our own mental toughness. We gain unique insight into myriad adverse situations experienced by others. We achieve clarity about such situations that we can use when we encounter them ourselves. And the more empathy we feel toward others, the less likely we are to make uninformed assumptions about their circumstances.

Empathy allows us to connect with others. In the process, we’re able to learn more about ourselves and candidly examine our own temperament when confronted with complications and distress.

Emotional mastery is often misunderstood as meaning to stifle one’s emotions. But that belief is incorrect. Emotional mastery entails recognizing our emotions, understanding why we’re experiencing them, and managing them in a healthy manner.

Managing our emotions - that is, exerting emotional control - gives us an opportunity to acknowledge them, confront them, scrutinize them, and decide whether what we’re feeling is levelheaded given our circumstances.

Mental toughness is directly connected to how we perceive ourselves and our ability to perform, regardless of our circumstances. Emotions that stem from distress, disappointment, and anxiety hamper us. They slow us down and can even cause us to abandon our intentions when things go wrong. This makes emotion management a requisite skill.

Gaining emotional control takes time. Many of us spend our entire lives being heavily influenced by our emotions, even the ones that are unreasonable given our abilities. So, it’ll take time to learn to manage them. Following are a few tactics that worked for me. You may find that they work for you, as well. Reflect on your feelings, both positive and negative. Acknowledge them. Scrutinize negative emotions the moment they surface. Ask yourself, “Are these emotions reasonable?” If not, reflect on how these emotions hold you back. Meditate for five minutes a day. Observe your emotions without judgement. Mornings are best, but any time is fine. Confront your inner critic whenever it “speaks.” Investigate its claims to determine if they’re accurate.

Recognize circumstances you can influence and circumstances you can’t influence. Get accustomed to letting go of your frustration regarding the latter. Take action, even when you’re uncertain of the outcome. This will train your mind to be proactive. Try to sleep well, eat...

Be patient with yourself. No one achieves emotional mastery overnight. The good news is, if you take action every day, you’ll eventually be able to manage your emotions...

It’s essential that we understand the difference between “mental toughness” and “resilience” as we labor to restructure our minds and adjust our instinctive responses to adversity.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from unforeseen complications. It’s the ability to adapt.

Mental toughness is a mindset. It not only reflects our ability to bounce back from unforeseen complications, but also demonstrates a positive outlook during the experience. It’s not just the ability to handle stressful situations. It reflects how we handle them.