Sweet Dandelion

by Micalea Smeltzer

“My sweet, Dandelion. May you always be as free as the birds, as wild as the flowers, and untamed as the sea.”

I find myself retreating more and more into my head. It feels safer here, but it’s not. It’s not safe anywhere. My brain is full of terrible memories, while the world is full of terrible people who do horrible things, every single day.

“You could’ve died, Dani.”

Sometimes I still wish I had.

I’d like to think there’s some mystical day in my future where I will be okay, but I’m also old enough to know this trauma isn’t something I’m going to forget. It’s simply something I’ll learn to live with.

But it’s in the eyes, and I think that’s the worst part of all. I’m afraid the haunted look in them will never go away and is a permanent thing I’m going to have to get used to.

I don’t want to be broken, but I don’t know how to be whole.

“Sometimes we have to hurt to be reminded that the best things in life bring us joy and pain.”

It might not make much sense, but pain can heal you.”

“Because I can’t fight for a system that’s broken. One that fails innocent people every fucking day. I refuse to be a part of that.”

“What’s something that makes you happy?” “Talking to you,”

Can he feel it too?

His eyes trace my face before he looks me in the eye. Yeah, he feels it too.

“Disagreements can be healthy. Opinions are vital.”

“Maybe. I’m not exactly a hearts and flowers kind of a girl so a mind-fuck sounds right up my alley.”

“Reading is a good escape,”

“It’s nice to be lost in another world for a little while. But we can’t forget reality forever.”

In my opinion you can learn anything from any book.”

“Anyone who says you can’t doesn’t have an open mind.”

Drunk people are my least favorite kind of people.

I’ve decided this is as close to heaven as I’ll ever get.

“Do you not see how wrong yesterday was?” I swallow, rocking back on my heels. “Wrong doesn’t always mean bad, Mr. Taylor.”

I might like to look at the snow, but the cold is too much for me.

“My sweet, Dandelion. May you always be as free as the birds, as wild as the flowers, and untamed as the sea.”

“I always want to see you.”

Shouldn’t might be the worst word in the English language.

“I’m not mad about the kiss. I’m not even mad at you. But I am livid,” his teeth gnash together, his hands fisted at his side, “at myself for liking it and wanting nothing more than to take you in my arms and kiss you again.”

“Life clips our wings,” I murmur softly, wiping condensation from the side of the water glass. “Everyone tells you to dream big, but then society does everything it can to keep you grounded.”

“I’ve got you,” he hums.

Sometimes we have to wear a mask to get through things, fake it until you make it.

“but when feelings exist they can’t be turned off with a switch. I can’t force myself to like him the way he wants me to.”

“It’s wrong.” “It doesn’t feel wrong,”

“The thoughts I have about you break so many fucking rules. If I’m going to hell for this, I want to do it thoroughly. I want to take my time. I want to explore every crevice of your body with my tongue and pluck your thoughts like a guitar string. I want to know the ins and outs of what you love and why you love it. I want to know the most sensitive parts of your body, what makes you moan my name and beg for more. I’m a selfish bastard, Dandelion Meadows, and I want every fucking part of you.”

“Why do you feel like a dream?” “A dream? I’m more like a nightmare.”

Do I look as broken as I feel most of the time?

He swallows thickly. “What do you look at me like, Dani?” “Like you’re mine.”

I understand where he’s coming from, why he keeps pushing me away. I’m not dumb. I see how wrong this is. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t break my heart a little being around him,

She told me Dandelion was the perfect name for you because dandelion yellow is the color of your soul.” I

“Don’t be sorry. It’s a bad habit to apologize for things we have no point in apologizing for.”

Innocent touches shouldn’t matter, but when there are real feelings behind them that’s when it becomes a problem.

“You always wear it, and even if you can’t see it, I can always feel your sunshine.”

He’s the sunshine, I’m the rain, but we’re no rainbow together.

Lachlan: I know I said this couldn’t keep happening but I’m a fucking liar because I can’t stay away from you and selfishly I want to see you. I’m such an asshole, I know.

“How I wish I could wake up to you in my bed like this every day.” His eyes darken steadily. “I want you to know last night was the best fucking night of my life

“No, by getting you to smile.”

But remember, it’s okay to feel sad. Sadness is not weakness, and weakness is not a failure.”

“You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Living hurts so much.”

“If you dream small you’ll never even touch the ceiling.” I give him a soft smile. “But if you dream big you might be lucky enough to touch the sky.”

I miss him and I hate myself for missing him.