Hoot

by Carl Hiaasen

Garrett was a D student, but he was popular in school because he goofed around in class and made farting noises whenever a teacher called him out. Garrett was the king of phony farts at Trace Middle. His most famous trick was farting out the first line of the Pledge of Allegiance during homeroom.

This would be every boy’s fantasy, farting out a song in homeroom. I never met anyone in school who could do it, but I would have paid all my lunch money to see it happen.