I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame

by Brené Brown

Second, because I was a new mother, I had not developed the critical awareness skills I needed to know what a powerful shame trigger motherhood is for most mothers. I definitely individualized (This is about me) and pathologized (I’m crazy) this experience. Critical awareness about motherhood took time to learn and put into practice. Third, when I reached out to Dawn to tell her about the lunch conversation and she tried to support me, I should have listened. I hadn’t fully processed the fact that Dawn is big in my connection network around motherhood. I wish could have heard what she was saying, rather than shrugging off her concerns. Fourth, during our lunch, when I said that motherhood was sometimes tiring and Phyllis responded by saying, “Really, I’ve never regretted having my baby,” I might have used my speaking shame skills to say something like “Wow. How did you get from me being tired to regretting having children?” If the conversation continued to nosedive, I might have just said something like “We don’t seem to be able to understand each other, let’s change the subject.” And, of course, not pursued that friendship. Lastly, I learned how to translate my experience in a way that allows me to recognize the ineffective patterns that keep me in shame—my shame screens. This story is a great example of how the four elements