I Thought It Was Just Me: Women Reclaiming Power and Courage in a Culture of Shame

by Brené Brown

• Shame is hating yourself and understanding why other people hate you too.

Shame is when you’re grossed out by yourself—it’s

And to alleviate those overwhelming feelings, we seek connection with others—sometimes in incredibly hurtful and destructive ways, like gossiping and excluding others.

Shame is about who we are and guilt is about our behaviors.

we eventually start to believe it and own it.

Recognizing we’ve made a mistake is far different than believing we are a mistake.

especially when the person who is putting us down is someone with whom we have a valued relationship

That you’re such a bad person that you can’t even blame other people for not caring about you.

She had to be willing to make room in her world for my painful experience.

“Boys will be boys. I can live with that. But, having a trashy daughter is something I’ll never get over.”

“You do it because that’s the person you want to be. You do it because that could have been me and one day it could just as easily be you.”

Honesty is the best policy, but honesty that’s motivated by shame, anger, fear or hurt is not “honesty.” It’s shame, anger, fear or hurt disguised as honesty.

we want to edit together all the best clips of what we see to form our lives.

we recognize caregiving as one of the most stressful life events people face.

It will be a great chance for us to spend some more time together. So when we find ourselves actually caregiving, we are not at all prepared for the first time our feelings of “I love you and it’s a privilege to take care of you” turn into “I hate you and I’m ready for you to die because I need my life back.”

Fear and grief don’t fuel us—they usually drain us.

In order to maintain the energy we need to caregive, we unhook ourselves from our lives and plug into the person who needs our time and attention.

You should have a real job. You need your own money and identity.

We convince ourselves that we shouldn’t need help so we don’t ask for it. Then, we get angry or hurt because no one offers.

I told them if all you saw was a fat woman, you’d miss all the good stuff.

Through the research process I have come to believe that whatever problems you take into a life event will become instantly magnified the moment the hoopla surrounding that life event comes to a close.

Strained sibling relationships become even more strained in the face of family caretaking challenges.

fact, sometimes it takes every ounce of our energy just to unload the dishwasher.

Change begins when we practice ordinary courage.