Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion

by Pema Chödrön

THE FUNDAMENTAL change of attitude is to breathe the undesirable in and breathe the desirable out. In contrast, the attitude that is epidemic on the planet is to push it away if it’s painful and to hold on to it tightly if it’s pleasant. The basic ground of compassionate action is the importance of working with rather than struggling against. What I mean by that is working with your own unwanted, unacceptable stuff. Then when the unacceptable and unwanted appears out there, you relate to it based on having worked with loving-kindness for yourself. This nondualistic approach is true to the heart because it’s based on our kinship with each other. We know what to say without condescension to someone else who is suffering, because we have experienced closing down, shutting off, being angry, hurt, or rebellious, and have made a relationship with those things in ourselves. This change in attitude doesn’t happen overnight; it happens gradually, at our own speed. If we have the aspiration to stop resisting those parts of ourselves that we find unacceptable and instead begin to breathe them in, this gives us much more space. We come to know every part of ourselves, with no more monsters in the closet, no more demons in the cave. We have some sense of turning on the lights and looking at ourselves honestly and with great compassion. This is the fundamental change of attitude—this working with pain and pleasure in a revolutionary and courageous way.