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July 31 - September 10, 2024
I did not intend to write a self-help book.
assumptions were often made that we are anxious generally, or simply afraid of people, or don’t like them. Hardly. As I say in the book, 30 percent of HSPs are extraverts!
there is now a simple, comprehensive description of the trait, “DOES,” that expresses its facets nicely. D is for depth of processing. Our fundamental characteristic is that we observe and reflect before we act. We process
everything more than others do, whether we are conscious of it or not. O is for being easily over-stimulated; if you are going to pay more attention to everything, you are bound to tire sooner. E is for giving emphasis to our emotional reactions and having strong empathy, which among other things motivates us to notice and learn. S is for being sensitive to all the subtleties around us.
Since the research began on high sensitivity, under the scientific term of Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS which is unrelated to Sensory Processing Disorder), about a hundred papers on it have appeared in scientific journals, most no longer with me as one of the authors. Many are excellent experimental studies,
biological sensitivity to context (authors will be Thomas Boyce, Bruce Ellis, and others) and orienting sensitivity (the main authors will be David Evans and Mary Rothbart).
This research was also intended to demonstrate that high sensitivity is not the same as introversion or “neuroticism” (professional jargon for a tendency to be depressed or excessively anxious).
There is considerable research giving us confidence that this is largely a genetically determined trait—I
This trait is an intrinsic part of you, and even if you or others wished you were less sensitive, you cannot eliminate it. You can improve very much how you live with it, however, and take better advantage of it by knowing its nature.
Everyone has a limit as to how much information or stimulation can be absorbed before one becomes overloaded, overstimulated, over-aroused, overwhelmed, and just over! We simply reach that point sooner than others. Fortunately, as soon as we get some down-time we recover nicely.
The bottom line is that you are part of a special minority— hardly alone, but not like most of those around you. Moreover, it is an invisible difference, and it affects you in many ways when you are interacting with others who are not very sensitive at all. Don’t forget those advantages: You notice things they do not!
HSPs simply tend to process everything more, relating and comparing what we notice to our past experience with other similar things. We do it whether we are aware of it or not. When we decide without knowing how we came to that decision, we call this intuition, and HSPs have good (but not infallible!) intuition.
Acevedo’s research has also shown more brain activation in HSPs than in others in an area called the insula, a part of the brain that integrates moment-to-moment knowledge of inner states and emotions, bodily position, and outer events. Some have called it the seat of consciousness.
The brain’s “mirror neurons” were only discovered in the last twenty years or so, initially in monkeys.
the mirror neuron area helps us know others’ intentions and how they feel. Hence they are thought to be partly responsible for the universal human capacity for empathy.
unless people have some emotional reason to learn something, they do not learn it very well or at all.
it would seem almost impossible for an HSP to process things deeply without having stronger emotional reactions to motivate them.
HSPs appeared to enjoy sexuality more but engage in it less, perhaps because sexuality, being a source of general stimulation, is potentially a source of overarousal when life is already full of stimulation.
I thought there was something wrong with me.
Having a sensitive nervous system is normal, a basically neutral trait. You probably inherited it. It occurs in about 15-20 percent of the population. It means you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted in a nervous-system sort of way.
As an adult, it has probably been harder to find the right career and relationships and generally to feel self-worth and self-confidence.
Prozac, often taken by HSPs.
The psychiatrist Carl Jung wrote very wisely on the subject, calling it a tendency to turn inward. The work of Jung, himself an HSP, has been a major help to me, but the more scientific work on introversion was focused on introverts not being sociable, and it was that idea which made me wonder if introversion and sensitivity were being wrongly equated.
(HSPs sometimes think things over for a while before making their move!)
Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone.
We reflect more on everything. And we sort things into finer distinctions.
This greater awareness of the subtle tends to make you more intuitive, which simply means picking up and working through information in a semiconscious or unconscious way. The result is that you often “just know” without realizing how. Furthermore, this deeper processing of subtle details causes you to consider the past or future more.
What is highly arousing for most people causes an HSP to become very frazzled indeed, until they reach a shutdown point called “transmarginal inhibition.”
One general rule is that when we have no control over stimulation, it is more upsetting, even more so if we feel we are someone’s victim. While music played by ourselves may be pleasant, heard from the neighbor’s stereo, it can be annoying,
It is important not to confuse arousal with fear. Fear creates arousal, but so do many other emotions, including joy, curiosity, or anger.
we can also be overaroused by semiconscious thoughts or low levels of excitement that create no obvious emotion. Often we are not aware of what is arousing us, such as the newness of a situation or noise or the many things our eyes are seeing.
Arousal may appear as blushing, trembling, heart pounding, hands shaking, foggy thinking, stomach churning, muscles tensing, and hands or other parts of the body perspiring.
And of course stress is closely related to arousal: Our response to stress is to become aroused.
Highly conscientious.
Able to process material to deeper levels of what psychologists call “semantic memory.”
Often thinking about our own thinking.
Deeply affected by other people’s moods and emotions.
We are so skilled, but alas, when being watched, timed, or evaluated, we often cannot display our competence. Our deeper processing may make it seem that at first we are not catching on, but with time we understand and remember more than others. This may be why HSPs learn languages better (although arousal may make one less fluent than others when speaking).
More “right-brained” (less linear, more creative in a synthesizing way). • More sensitive to things in the air. (Yes, that means more hay fever and skin rashes.)
Sometimes people with our trait are said to be less happy or less capable of happiness. Of course, we can seem unhappy and moody, at least to non-HSPs, because we spend so much time thinking about things like the meaning of life and death and how complicated everything is—not black-and-white thoughts at all.
behavior is at least partly genetically determined.
Circumstances can also force the trait to disappear. Many children born very sensitive are pushed hard by parents, schools, or friends to be bolder.
In China “shy” and “sensitive” children were among those most chosen by others to be friends or playmates. (In Mandarin, the word for shy or quiet means good or well-behaved; sensitive can be translated as “having understanding,” a term of praise.) In Canada, shy and sensitive children were among the least chosen. Chances are, this is the kind of attitude you faced growing up.
you tend to reflect deeply on the issues, attend to the details, have a vision of the future, and attempt to be conscientious.
HSPs usually respond to change with resistance. Or we try to throw ourselves into it, but we still suffer from it. We just don’t “do” change well, even good changes. That can be the most maddening.
I also advocate writing down your old and new views of the experience and keeping them around for a while as a reminder.
Carl Jung, Freud’s follower for a long time, split with him finally on the issue of the centrality of sexuality. Jung decided that the fundamental difference was an inherited greater sensitivity. He believed that when highly sensitive patients had experienced a trauma, sexual or otherwise, they had been unusually affected and so developed a neurosis.
Jung thought very highly of sensitive people—but then he was one himself.
To Jung, the unconscious contains important wisdom to be learned. A life lived in deep communication with the unconscious is far more influential and personally satisfying.
Only Jung spoke of the trait’s advantages, but even then it was in terms of our connection to the depths and darkness of the psyche.
